


That One Time in Uni

by RainbowDonkeys



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Dorms, Fluff, M/M, Silly, but lovable, everyone is a little bit stupid, main johnil, taeil learns to love himself, the rest are side couples
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-02-23
Updated: 2019-10-14
Packaged: 2019-11-04 04:15:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 30,520
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17891315
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RainbowDonkeys/pseuds/RainbowDonkeys
Summary: Taeil and his much-better-than-him-in-every-way twin brother Hyungil, of course, end up living in the same dorm at the same college . Finding out their roommates are much taller, smarter, and not to mention kinder, Hyungil just gets jealous and insecure. Taeil, however, finds his place among them.





	1. that one time taeil's parents fucked him over

As Taeil sat in the living room, with his parents on one couch, and his twin brother and himself on the other, he had to admit that his life really did suck. 

Just sitting next to him, one could easily spot the differences between them. Hyungil (the twin brother in question) was already a head taller than him. His face and body looked carved from marble, like one of those aggressive and rich but secretly kind hearted CEO's in the dramas his mother always watched. It was funny, Taeil always thought that the warm interior of those men never quite made up for the assholes they presented themselves as on the outside. The same philosophy seemed to be true of Hyungil too. 

Hyungil was hot by anybody's standards, and long ago Taeil learned that hotness brought so much more than any other quality a person could have. Hyungil never lacked for friends or in later years, girlfriends. As a child, he learned to use those good looks and beaming smile for fooling teachers, charming every adult figure into giving him a free pass whenever he wanted. He never had to do a homework assignment, never failed a test, despite studying for no more than an hour in his entire life. His body was built for sports too; and that only contributed more to his inconceivable popularity. Even his own parents fell for all of it.

Taeil never knew what Hyungil had against him; Hyungil had everything. But he still always wanted to see Taeil fail, worse than he already had. Telling his many friends not to talk to Taeil, just so he would be alone at school. Blaming Taeil for every event gone wrong. Lying and manipulating teachers to get him to the top of the class, just to thwart Taeil's hours of studying. Talking the choir teacher into giving a different friend of his solos at the big competition, so Taeil would be stuck in the back, just like usual. 

So, Taeil threw himself into what he could do, even if it was fruitless. Less friends meant more time for studying, more time for practicing his singing, the few things he cared about. He knew that with a little patience, all of his hardwork and suffering would pay off in the end. 

But Taeil didn't care any more. No, he really didn't care, and maybe this monologue has made you think otherwise, but Taeil has long since accepted his position as the loser twin brother of a sex god. Maybe when he was a little kid things were different, but he was far beyond jealousy. It was fine, and it would be even more fine once he went to university. This was possible wishful thinking on his part, but Taeil always believed uni would be different. A nice, prestigous school in Seoul that would be big enough for he to lose Hyungil in it, and where none of the teachers would know about Hyungil at all. They had to go to different schools, after all. Taeil would make sure of that. 

The uni question was the reason why his parents and his brother were sat around the brown-toned living room that late afternoon. The results of their college entrance exams had finally came, and they were all to open it as a family. 

"Taeil, you go first," his father spoke disinterestedly. He knew they were excited to see his brother's score, and mostly just wanted to get his over with. But he was desperate to know, so he began to undo the letter with shaking hands. He read the letters silently to himself before his lips bloomed into a smile. 

"So? What did you get?" his mother asked impatiently. 

"Ninety percent," Taeil spoke with a massive smile on his face. 

"Oh, congrats," his mom answered. "Hyungil, you go." He casually opened the letter himself, reading over it with a blank expression. He looked up finally, still expressionless. 

"I got sixty-five percent." 

Immediately, Taeil's parent's expressions changed into one of sadness and pity. Taeil sighed, if he was the one who scored badly, his parents would have been far more angry than sad. But, at the same time, Taeil should have expected this. 

"I'm so sorry," Hyungil began to explain, choking on his words in a way that made it extremely hard for Taeil not to roll his eyes. "I was just so, so sick the day of the exam...but I didn't want to make anyone worried, so I muscled through." Taeil knew that one was a lie; the last few nights before the exam Hyungil had snuck out of the window to get drunk and go fuck one of his current girlfriends in his car. 

"It's okay sweetie...we know you tried your absolute best. You work so, so hard after all," Taeil's mom responded. 

"I'm just...I'm just such a disappointment," Hyungil croaked. He hid his face behind his palms, but from Taeil's angle he could see that Hyungil was secretly smiling. 

"I know that a good school will take you both," Taeil's dad added. 

"Wait, both?" Taeil finally interjected, nerves pounding in his heart. 

"Of course. I know you were set on going to Yonsei, but it just wouldn't be fair to your brother now," Taeil's dad responded, and Taeil's heart dropped from his chest. His mouth opened but he stayed silent, controlling his anger. 

"You both worked so hard, but for you to go to one of the top schools and him not...your father is right, it wouldn't be fair. You two can go to school together! Won't that be nice? Hyungil can watch out for you," Taeil's mother said. 

"You two can search for a great school together," Taeil's father added. 

"So it's decided, you two will start at the same uni. You can even share a dorm room!"

"Yes, mom and dad," Hyungil answered, turning to Taeil with a smug smile. "It'll be so great." 

Taeil swallowed back his anger, his tears, his utter disappointment, knowing it was all useless. He knew that if his brother was the one with the high score, he would be going to whatever uni he wanted. But if he expressed any of what he truly felt, his parents would just call him an ingrate, a waste of space, maybe punish him worse than what he was already getting. 

"Yeah," Taeil barely choked out, forcing a smile onto his face. "I-I'm gonna go. Start researching." He stood up and began to walk to his shared room, breaking into a run as soon as they were out of eyesight. Immediately he shut the door and collapsed into his bottom bunk, covering his pillowcase with tears. Another four years in Hyunil's shadow? He didn't think he could do it. 


	2. that one time taeil moved in with a bunch of strangers

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey everyone! im sorry that it's been so long since I updated. I just started my semester of study abroad so right now I am extra busy, so I apologize. I know I usually update my stories very quickly but that might not be the case for this one. I will be way busier than usual this semester but I will make time to write for sure! I love you all

On move in day at Taeil's new university, the only thing he felt was a sense of sameness. Yes, he was moving out of his parent's house, at least until winter break. But he would still be living with his brother, only about an hour or two from his suburban hometown. His brother would rule the school, yet again, and Taeil would be the loser who was just searching for whatever scraps of happiness that Hyungil had left behind. 

After careful research on his part and careless agreement on Hyungil's part, Taeil had discovered Soonchunhyang University. Maybe it wasn't crazy high rated academically, but it was big and not too far from Seoul, so if Taeil needed a break, or Hyungil wanted to party, they could go up for the weekend. His parents liked it, too, since they could come and visit whenever they missed 'them' (Taeil was sure they only meant Hyungil). 

But the main reason Taeil chose it was because of the international program. His English skills were alright, but he knew they could improve a lot, and knowing English well would open up a lot of opportunities for him. Plus, he could teach the exchange students Korean, and tutoring was always something he was interested in. Hyungil had liked the idea of getting to know cute girls from all over, so the decision was easy. Mostly, though, Taeil liked it because of the dorm structure: since his parents made sure the two siblings would stay in the same dorm, he and Hyungil would live in a suite with ten other boys, two students per bedroom, all twelve of them sharing a living room and a bathroom. Each Korean student had to share a bedroom with an international student, so Taeil and Hyungil at least wouldn't have to share a bedroom any more. Plus, since there were ten other kids with them, Taeil would have much less of a chance of interacting with his brother. 

"Are you guys excited?" Taeil's mom asked from the front seat. 

"Yeah," Taeil and Hyungil both answered disinterestedly. At this point, neither of them were too excited about university. 

"We're here!" Taeil's dad said, pulling up into the parking lot. They hopped out and stood in the long line to get their keys, waiting in utter silence. Hyungil at least had the wherewithall not to tease his brother at that moment; in Taeil's mind, Hyungil's bad score had ruined his life. 

They got their keys, finally, and went to go grab their luggage from the backseat of the car. 

"Oh honey, I'll miss you so much," Taeil's mom cooed, kissing both of Hyungil's cheeks. 

"Bye son. Please, make something of yourself," Taeil's dad said to Taeil, pulling him in for a reluctant hug, on both of their parts. Taeil and Hyungil silently hugged their other parents before taking their things and going into the elevator. 

"I can't believe you picked a dorm where we have to share a place with ten other dudes," Hyungil said, turning to his brother before smirking. "Or are you into that?" 

Taeil flushed but kept his sarcastic game face on. "There are no dorms that let you share with girls, believe me, I looked. This isn't America, and with your scores we couldn't have gotten into a school there if we tried." 

The elevator dinged and open, the hallway flush with people chattering nervously. Hyungil greeted all of them with his cocky grin, and Taeil pushed his way through. While Hyungil lived for big groups of people, crowds just made Taeil nervous. 

They finally reached the door and Taeil unlocked it with shaky fingers, suddenly incredibly nervous at the idea of meeting these ten other boys. Taeil knew already what they would be like: just ten average guys, enamored with Hyungil's handsomeness and charm, following him around everywhere so they could catch a little piece of his popularity. Still, a well suppressed part of Taeil wanted them to like him instead. 

He finally managed to get the door open, pushing his way inside to see...nothing. The dorm opened on the living room, with a few boxes scattered here and there, but otherwise no people around. But he heard the chatter of low, male, young adult voices, and Taeil figured they were putting their own things away in their individual rooms. 

Hyungil and Taeil looked at each other awkwardly. 

"Well, I'm going to my room," Hyungil said. 

"Y-yeah," Taeil stuttered. "Me too." As much as he disliked his brother, he was terrified to meet his new roommate all by himself. At least his brother was familiar. 

"See you in a minute," Hyungil called as he walked down the hall towards his own room. Taeil watched him go for half a second before turning down the other hallway. He looked down at his key for a moment, the little chain reading '127A'. He proceeded to walk down, looking at each door way before he reached the one labelled for him. The door was shut, but it opened when he pushed it slightly. 

The door creaked and the man who must have been his new roommate turned around with a smile. "Oh! You must be my roommate," the boy said in barely accented Korean. "I'm Johnny."

Taeil's heart stopped in his chest. His new roommate was utterly gorgeous: at least a head or two taller than him, with thick dark hair that ended in a slight curl over his forehead. His eyes were soulful yet bright, and his grin made Taeil's cheeks turn a little red. By his name and very slight accent, he could tell Johnny was American. Despite his handomeness and apparent charm, though, Johnny seemed different than his brother. There was something about him that struck Taeil as being totally genuine. 

"I-I'm Taeil," he finally managed to answer, looking around awkwardly, afraid he'd embarrass himself if he looked at Johnny's face again. 

"Nice to meet you!" Johnny responded, chuckling. "Don't worry. Even though I'm from America I always spoke Korean with my family at home. We won't have a language barrier."

"Oh, that's good," Taeil answered with relief. "My English is very bad," he added, with a heavy accent. 

"Doesn't sound like it to me," Johnny said a chuckle, standing aside. "Come on in! Our room looks pretty small, but we'll make it work." 

Taeil stepped in and realized Johnny was totally right. They each had a desk but the dorm was quite small, with a set of small windows and a bunk bed. Luckily the decor was bright, and there was quite a bit of storage space. Johnny had already started putting things up, pictures lining one side of the desk. He looked so happy, with his friends and family. Taeil was a little embarrassed; he didn't have any photos with him.

"Are you more of a top bunk or a bottom bunk kind of person?"

"Bottom," Taeil answered immediately. 

"Okay, good," Johnny responded with a relieved chuckle. "I'm an only child so I never got a bunk bed, but I always wanted the top one." 

Taeil chuckled slightly at Johnny's story, beginning to open his light luggage and pack his clothes into the cabinets. Johnny put on all of his bedding and flopped onto the top bunk, his massive limbs stretched out. 

"I'm so tired," he spoke, filling in the silence. "I got on the bus here right after my flight landed. I don't think I've slept for twenty-four hours."

"How long was the flight?" Taeil asked politely. 

"Fourteen hours," Johnny groaned. 

"Oh god," Taeil answered. 

Suddenly, a knock on the door made both Johnny and Taeil turn their heads. "Come in," they spoke in unison. 

Taeil's jaw dropped when yet another incredibly handsome boy, with fierce eyebrows and a perfect jawline, pushed open the door. 

"Hey guys! I was thinking we should all introduce ourselves in the living room in, like, five minutes?" He spoke in perfect Korean, clearly not one of the exchange students.

"That sounds good to me," Johnny said. 

"Y-yeah," Taeil added. 

"Cool. See you then!" He closed the door, and Taeil's mind couldn't stop racing. 

Both Johnny and this new guy were definitely more attractive than his brother, and for now, they seemed quite nice. Taeil wondered how his brother would react to being surrounded by his equals, at least in that respect.

Five minutes later Johnny slid off the bed, smiling at Taeil. "Shall we?"

Taeil smiled and nodded, following Johnny's absolutely massive frame out of the door. They walked the short distance in to the living room to see all ten of their roommates already scattered on couches and the floor, waiting for them patiently. All of them looked up and gave the roommates a welcoming smile, beckoning them into the circle, except for Hyungil. 

Taeil and Johnny fitted into the last spot on the floor when the guy who had asked them to join this meeting perked up. 

"Um, I guess we should introduce ourselves? Say our names, where we're from, and what room we're in." Everyone nodded and looked at him expectantly. He perked up and gave them a dazzling smile. "I'm Taeyong and I'm Korean. I live in 127B." 

He looked expectantly at the boy around Taeil's height sitting next to him on the couch. He gave Taeyong a look, Taeyong nudged him back, and he turned to the group reluctantly. "Um, I'm Ten and I'm from Thailand. He's my roommate," Ten added, grinning at Taeyong and lightly slapping his arm. Taeil just gaped at him; maybe he wasn't as tall as Johnny or Taeyong, but he was gorgeous too. Out of the corner of his eye, he noticed Hyungil making a face, but it was his turn to go. 

"Hey, I'm Hyungil, I'm Korean too. I live in 127E." He gave a greasy, and Ten grimaced back at him, before giving Taeyong a look. Taeyong chuckled, and Ten widened his eyes and covered Taeyong's mouth with his hand. 

"Ah, hello," the next guy started. He had a more homey look than the rest of them but he was still very good looking, his Korean accented. "I'm Kun, I'm Chinese, and I live in 127E too." Taeil tried to hide his expression of pity. 

The next boy looked around shyly, and yet again, he was beautiful looking. Long, lengthy limbs and a regal, powerful expression decorated his body. "I'm Sicheng," he spoke with a very heavy Chinese accent. "I'm Chinese. I live in 127C." He looked down at his feet shyly before nodding at the guy sitting next to him. 

Taeil almost rolled his eyes. How was this guy attractive too? His eyes seemed sparkle and when he smiled, even Taeil felt like he had to look down at his feet. "I'm Yuta," he said cheerfully, barely an accent on his lips. "I'm Japanese, and I live in 127F."

The next boy looked definitely annoyed by this ice breaker activity but even still...he was somehow hot. Taeil looked over at his twin, who seemed to be fuming. "I'm Doyoung. I'm Korean. I'm Yuta's roommate." He looked over at the guy sitting next to him, and Taeil noticed Doyoung allow his eyes to dart up and down this new guy's frame. 

And Taeil understood why because...he was hot too! He had this angelic boy next door look, and he noticed Doyoung make a face when he smiled at him. "I'm Jaehyun, I'm Korean too. I live in 127C with Sicheng!"

"Is it my turn?" The next boy answered with a giggle. He reminded Taeil a lot of his brother: he was tall and very handsome, dressed in a sort of fuckboy style. But, there was something in his smile that seemed purely sweet. "I'm Yukhei! I'm from Hong Kong. I live in 127D with this guy." He patted the shoulder of the boy next to him, who had curled up into a ball with red cheeks. Even behind all that, Taeil could see that he, too, was handsome. 

"I-I"m Jungwoo," he stuttered slowly. "I am Korean. I-I live in 127D."

Taeil looked over and saw that he and Johnny were the last one, Johnny smiling at everyone's with that grin of his. When Johnny directed that smile at him, Taeil felt momentarily dazzled. 

"I'm Johnny. I'm Korean but I grew up in America, and I live in 127A." Johnny looked over at Taeil expectantly. 

"I-I guess I'm last," Taeil started, and Hyungil snorted. Taeil gave him a glare before continuing. "I'm Taeil. I'm Korean, and I live in 127A too." 

"Is that everyone?" Taeyong asked, looking around, and they nodded back at him. 

"Did you guys come in together? How do you know each other?" Doyoung suddenly asked, looking between Taeil and Hyungil.

"We're brothers," Taeil explained. 

"Oh, that makes sense. I thought you looked kind of similar," Johnny responded. Taeil looked confused and Hyungil looked horrified. 

"Twins, actually," Taeil added reluctantly. 

"We're fraternal," Hyungil spoke. 

"Oh," Ten answered with a sarcastic smile. "I'm glad." Everyone looked around uncomfortably while Ten looked on with a smug grin, and Kun cleared his throat. 

"Um, should we finish unpacking?" He suggested. 

"Yeah, yeah, for sure," Taeyong responded, grabbing Ten's arm and tugging him away. Ten threw Hyungil a wink before following after his roommate. 

As everyone else began to disperse back to their rooms, Hyungil stood up and tapped Taeil's shoulder. 

"Let's explore together, alright? Check out the cafeterias." 

Taeil gave him a confused look. "Um, alright?" He answered, quickly telling the others where they were going and putting on their shoes to head out. 

As soon as they stepped out of the door, Taeil looked up at his brother. 

"What the fuck do you want? Why do you want me to come with you?"

"With you around, I look better by comparison," Hyungil answered, and Taeil smiled. If Hyungil felt like he had to look good through comparison, that meant he was a little insecure about being around their gorgeous roommates. "Anyways, I have something I need to tell you about."

"What is it?"

His voice dropped to a whisper. "So, you know Ten?" Taeil nodded, thinking of his short, Thai suitemate. Taeil then furrowed his eyebrows, remembering all the weird interactions that had gone down between Ten and Hyungil that day. Normally, Taeil wouldn't care about Hyungil's problems, seeing as he had very few, and most were insignificant. But Taeil's curiousity had been peaked. "I've met him before."

"Where?" Taeil asked with surprise. 

"At an international competition a year or two back," Hyungil explained. "I was there for soccer, and he was there for dance." 

"Did you talk to him at all?"

"Well...yeah, I guess," Hyungil answered, his voice dropping even lower. "So he was there on the dance team for his school with a big group of girls, right? The girls were really hot too, so I thought he was trying to get it. But...no way. He was like, so loud and giggly, like a fucking girl. He was all like 'oh my god'." Hyungil imitated a high pitched, feminine voice. "And...ugh, the other girls were talking about how cute the guys were, right? And he fucking joined in! It was so gross." Hyungil made a face. "So me and the boys on the team, like, we had to protect ourselves. So we went up to him and told him off for it. He was all like 'what's your fucking problem?'" Again, Hyungil immitated a high pitched voice. "And I was like, what's your problem, faggot?" Taeil had no reaction, he was used to Hyungil talking like that. He was glad it just wasn't in reference to himself. 

"Oh," Taeil said, knowing his brother was expecting some reaction out of him. 

"He didn't even deny it! And all the girls on his team got pissed. It didn't matter, none of them had tits anyways, but...obviously he doesn't like me, and I don't fucking like him. I can't believe I have to live in the same house as a fag! I feel bad for his roommate though." 

"It seems like they might have already known each other," Taeil mumbled, judging from what he noticed of their interactions. 

"Still....fucking gross. We'll see what happens, but we might have to request a room transfer. I can't live with a perv." 

"Maybe," Taeil said. He didn't quite know what to think of all of this. 

"Wanna go back up? I've still got a ton of shit to unpack, plus I don't really wanna be seen with you any more." 

"Fine by me," Taeil answered, and they started the walk up back to their dorm in silence. 

Taeil had a lot to think about. Hyungil's word was not always to be taken seriously; he had a low brow for what he considered 'gay', and Ten may or may not actually be. Taeil didn't really find himself caring that Ten was gay, for whatever reason. All he really cared about was that there wouldn't be conflict between the two of them. Really, all Taeil wanted was to be able to study and do choir in peace, avoiding his brother as much as possible. If that worked out, he couldn't care less what Ten did in his spare time. 

They got back to the door and pushed it open, taking off their shoes and walking to their individual rooms. Taeil pushed open the door to see Johnny sitting down on his chair, his giant legs draped over his desk. He looked up at Taeil and smiled. 

"Hey! I was wondering when you'd get back." 

Taeil flushed and looked at the wood floors, trying to hide his shy smile. "I-I just went for a short walk."

"Come, sit down." He gestured to Taeil's desk chair, and Taeil took a seat. "I want to hear about you. Tell me what it's like to live in Korea." 

Taeil looked at him in surprise before giving in, starting to speak as Johnny listened attentively. Even if this first semester was hell, at least there was one thing he would enjoy.


	3. that one time taeil talked shit about his brother

The rest of Taeil's first evening at university passed by uneventfully. He and Johnny talked for a while in his room until Johnny went down to eat with the others. Taeil was invited to join, but he knew for sure he would just embarrass the others by joining. Even though Johnny seemed disappointed Taeil passed it off as a figment of his own imagination, and ended up eating a bowl of ramen alone in his room. He passed out, exhausted from how eventful the day was, and by the time Johnny came back he was already asleep. 

In the morning after Taeil finished eating breakfast and getting ready, the dorm seemed eerily quiet. Johnny had left the room a while back, and as Taeil looked around he didn't notice any of his other suitemates. He even saw a post on Hyungil's instagram story of him eating in the cafeteria with a group of girls. Taeil sighed, sitting up from his desk chair. As usual, he was alone, but it stung more than usual: after all of his expectations for university, for things to remain exactly the same was beyond disappointing. 

Since the suite was empty, though, Taeil took the opportunity to look around without being questioned. He began to walk down the hall, poking his head into any open door he could find. They all looked mostly like Johnny's side of the room, with pictures and decor lining the room. His heart sunk into his chest and he kept moving. 

He made it past the living room, the empty luggage and boxes finally pushed into the back corner, and walked through the other side of the hallway. Things were mostly the same, until a noise made him pause. 

The low chatter of ten guys came from Ten and Taeyong's room, clearly trying to keep hushed. The door was mostly shut except one crack, and out of inescapable curiousity, Taeil leaned over to listen. 

"And that's why Hyungil is a peace of shit," Ten whispered. 

"Holy shit," Jaehyun responded. 

"I can't believe Ten hasn't told you that story before," Doyoung whispered back. 

"Even though I already knew, Hyungil seemed like a dick just from listening to him talk," Johnny added. 

"Why was he so pissed off at us? Did he think we'd be homophobes too?" Kun added. 

"He's such a fuckboy, I can tell already. Asshole," Yukhei said. 

Taeyong scoffed. "You're one to talk." 

"He's definitely worse than me," Yukhei whined lowly. 

"But seriously. He's a dick," Yuta added, and Taeil leaned in closer. 

Immediately after moving, he regretted his actions. His head bumped the door open wider and Taeil's head was immediately visible to everyone in room 127B. Taeil winced and turned his head, and the others looked at him uncomfortably. 

"Um...hey!" Kun spoke awkwardly. 

"Hey," Taeil dejectedly grumbled. 

"Wh-what's up?" Yuta stuttered in a high pitched voice.

"Nothing much," Taeil breathed out. "You?"

"Well..." Taeyong started, looking frantically at his friends. 

"We were talking shit about your brother," Ten finished bluntly. 

Taeil's jaw dropped; he wasn't expecting any of them to actually admit it. "O-oh," he stuttered, pursing his lips. Part of him wanted to just walk away, let them keep going, not make them any much more uncomfortable than he already was. But part of him...part of him wanted to join them. He had been suppressing his frustration for his brother for eighteen, and never before had anyone else noticed he was anything less than an angel. It would be such a relief to finally let it all out. 

So, forcing away his anxiety, Taeil spoke up. "Uh...I think I have some things to add to that conversation." He noticed the awkwardness of the others fade away, a sly grin coming on Ten's face. 

"Sit the fuck down then and spill!" Ten responded. Shyly, Taeil stepped over and squeezed in between where Ten and Johnny were sitting, Johnny giving him a big smile. 

"How much of our conversation did you hear?" Yuta asked slyly, and Taeil flushed yet again. 

"W-well...all I heard was that you thought he was an asshole...which is totally understandable."

"Did you hear the story I told? How I met him the first time?" Ten asked. 

Taeil shook his head. "No, but he told me himself yesterday." 

Ten scoffed. "He's so threatened by my sexuality. Like I would ever fuck a guy like that." The others laughed and Taeil chuckled shyly. 

"He..he always talks like that," Taeil explained. 

"To you?" Johnny asked with concern, and Taeil gave a small nod. 

"That must be so awful," Yukhei said with genuine pity. 

"We've shared a room our whole lives, up until now."

"Oof," Doyoung spoke. 

"He's just..." Taeil started then sighed, so happy to finally have people to vent to him about. "He just knows that he's handsome, right? And he always takes advantage of it. But he's total trash on the inside, he's mean to anyone that doesn't worship him. Like, he just relishes in being the hot one. He loves to see me fail." 

There was a long pause where everyone stared at Taeil in shock. 

"What a fucking asshole," Yuta finally spoke, and everyone piped up their agreements. 

"He's awful," Sicheng spoke. 

"So awful," Jungwoo added in his quiet voice. 

"Yeah," Taeil answered, breathing a sigh of disappointment and relief and he wasn't even sure what anymore. "I'm sorry that you have to be his roommate," Taeil added, turning to Kun. 

The Chinese boy made a face and shrugged. "It sucks, but I'm glad you don't have to share a room with him any more. You deserve a break." 

Taeil smiled and looked down. "That's...that's really sweet." 

"I promise I'll be a much better roommate than he was," Johnny said, looking Taeil in the eye with a soft expression. 

"I'm sure you will," Taeil answered, chewing on his lower lip. 

"Johnny..." Ten said with warning in his voice. 

"What?" Johnny whined. 

"Go easy on him, alright?" Ten responded. Johnny made a face and Ten laughed before turning back to Taeil. "Anyways, who ever said he was the fucking hot one? Anybody with two brain cells would notice how awful he was." 

"I guess everyone from my hometown has less than two brain cells then." 

"You're just as cute as him," Ten added. 

"Yeah, definitely," Johnny added a little too quickly. But, the rest slowly pipped their agreements. Taeil looked away uncomfortably, not quite sure how to react. 

"S-stop lying," he stuttered. "It's okay, I won't feel bad." 

"No way," Johnny responded, almost aggressively. "We aren't making it up." 

"You can't be serious," Taeil breathed out shaking his head. 

"We are! Oh my god Taeil, I swear," Taeyong spoke. 

"Anyways," Taeil started, wanting to get the attention off of him. Even though it was positive attention, for the first time in his life, it still made him uncomfortable. Part of him felt that his suitemates were lying, no matter what they said. "Anyways, isn't it weird that you met my brother before coming?" 

Ten laughed loudly. "Actually, you're the only person I didn't know before coming here."

Taeil gave him a look of surprise. "Wait, what? How is that possible?"

Ten grinned. "Well..." he started, resting his head on Taeyong's shoulder, "I decided to bring all my friends from around the world together so we could have the funnest suite. I just decided to leave two spaces unfulfilled so I could have a surprise."

"So, how do you know everyone?"

Ten cleared his throat. "So, Yukhei, right? He-"

"Even though I am from Hong Kong, my mom's side of the family is from Thailand, so-" Yukhei interrupted. 

"And I'm from Thailand," Ten reinterrupted. "So Yukhei would visit his Thai family in the summer, and their house was next door to mine. So we were neighbors as kids in the summer and would play together all the time." With a smile, Ten's eyes moved down the line. "Jungwoo, Jungwoo was my shadow for a one day exchange program at my high school." Jungwoo nodded shyly. "My family is ethnically Chinese so Sicheng is my cousin on my dad's side. Jaehyun and I were in a group chat for people whose second language was English and wanted to improve. Doyoung..." Both Doyoung and Ten laughed. 

"Our story is a little more complicated," Doyoung interjected. 

"So this person transfered into my high school from Korea, and we just did not like each other. Immediately. We were enemies from the start. So...I did a little digging, and found out that Doyoung was the ex of my enemy."

"And I fucking hated that ex, they were such a dick," Doyoung added. 

"So when I hit Doyoung up about it, Doyo was more than happy to help me ruin this person's life," Ten said with a grin, sharing it with Doyoung. 

"Moral of the story: don't fuck with either of us," Doyoung said, and Taeil gave them both a frightened look. 

"Anyways," Ten said slowly, looking around the circle. "Kun is my cousin on my mom's side, Yuta's a dancer too so we met at international competitions, Taeyong..." Ten and Taeyong shared a little giggle. "Well, I really wanted to be his, um, friend," Ten started, and again he and Taeyong chuckled. "So I messaged him on facebook, and we've been...friends ever since." Taeil looked at them with confusion, but neither of them offered an explanation. 

"Moving on, Johnny," Ten breathed out with some sense of relief. "Johnny's been my pen pal since the fourth grade. He's my best friend." 

Taeil looked around the circle, amazed that someone could be social enough to have nine international friends, let alone nine friends in the first place. "Wow," he spoke with a chuckle. "I'm impressed." 

"These motherfuckers don't know each other though," Ten responded, gesturing to everyone else. 

"I've heard about all of them before, but this is the first time we've all met in person," Johnny explained. 

"So, don't feel left out. We're mostly on the same page as you," Taeyong added. 

"I-I won't," Taeil stuttered. "I mean I don't." 

Johnny grinned down at Taeil and rubbed his back. "I'm really glad." 

Taeil felt himself flush, looking down at his shoes. Even though he was looking away, out of the corner of his eye he noticed Ten make a face at Johnny. 

"Seriously, though, Taeil? I'm glad you're not like your brother," Kun spoke. 

"Definitely," Ten added with a sigh of relief. "When I found out you two were related, I was pretty scared. But even though I've only talked to you for a little bit I get the vibe that you're way different." 

"You seem super chill," Yuta added. 

"For sure," Sicheng added. 

"M-me?" Taeil stuttered, looking around awkwardly with a shy smile. Everyone nodded assuradely back at him. "I-I don't know..."

"Seriously!" Johnny spoke. "You're great. When you know, you just know." 

Taeil flushed harder, not quite sure just what to do. Nobody, nobody in his life had ever thought he was cool, or wanted to be friendly with him. Now having ten super handsome and cool guys being so kind and friendly with him...it was a real shock. 

"You guys are too nice," Taeil mumbled. 

"No, we're not," Yuta answered with a grin. 

"Well, you guys are nice period," Taeil answered. 

"Once you hang out with us for more than a few minutes, you'll realize we aren't," Taeyong said with a chuckle. 

"Yeah, we literally just came in here to shit talk your brother,"

"You guys are nice to me though," Taeil said shyly.

"Of course we are," Johnny said happily, looking down at Taeil. Ten cleared his throat and made a face. 

"What?" Taeil asked with confusion, looking between them. Ten always seemed to be scolding Johnny, and Taeil for the life of him couldn't figure out what. 

"Oh, nothing, nothing," Ten responded with a chuckle. Taeil shrugged; he was used to being left out of the joke. 

"Is anyone else hungry?" Yukhei suddenly asked, everyone groaning loudly and voicing their agreements. 

"Alright, let's go," Jaehyun responded, everyone standing up. Suddenly, Johnny looked back at him. 

"Are you coming?"

Taeil's eyes widened. "I'm invited?"

"Of course." Johnny grinned, and in that moment Taeil knew there was no way he could say no. 

"A-alright," Taeil answered with a smile, and he followed everyone out the door. 


	4. that one time taeil had actual real live friends

It was strange, walking into Taeil's class on the first Monday of his first semester at university. Even after bonding with his suitemates the evening before (he decided that talking shit about Hyungil was the best way to get to know other people), most of Taeil had expected his newfound friendships to be a one off thing. 

But when he arrived at the classroom, he found both Hyungil and Yuta waiting just outside the door. It was a basic English class after all, so he would expect to have some people he knew there. His two suitemates looked up at him, awkwardly walking into the empty classroom. Here was where their dilemma began: Hyungil looked at him expectantly; he didn't like to be seen alone. Taeil knew Hyungil wanted to sit next to him, and he would move when someone cooler came along. But before Taeil could do anything, Yuta grabbed his arm and gave him that dazzling smile. 

"Come sit with me!"

Immediately, Taeil grinned. "Sure."

Taeil heard Hyungil grumbling but didn't give him a second glance, sitting down next to Yuta in the middle row of seats. Hyungil sat right behind them, slumping in his seat. 

"What class do you have after this?" Yuta asked. 

"None," Taeil responded. "I'm free until after lunch." 

"Lucky," Yuta grumbled with a smile. "What are you gonna do in that time?"

"I'm thinking about going to choir auditions, but I'm not sure..."

"You should!" Yuta cried excitedly. "Do you sing?"

"I did choir in high school...but I wasn't very good. Anyways, you probably have to be good to get into University choir." 

"I bet you're really good. I really think you should go for it." 

Taeil blushed down at his lap shyly. "Perhaps." 

More people began to file into the classroom, the seat next to Hyungil remaining empty for quite a while. The twin became more and more dejected, until finally, a very pretty girl came and sat next to him. Hyungil smiled smugly, and Taeil had to remind himself that people like Hyungil never got what they actually deserved. But, it wasn't coming at his own expense anymore, so at least things were improving. 

Finally, the professor came in, and class passed by uneventfully. Despite Taeil's lack of English skills he did fine, just going over the syllabus and doing basic English introductions. It went by in what felt like no time, and soon enough Yuta and Taeil were walking out of the classroom. 

"Have fun in your next class!" Taeil said. 

"And good luck with your audition," Yuta replied. They shared a smile, waved, and went their separate ways. 

Taeil began the slow and dreadful walk to the choir audition room, his hands shaking the whole way. Yuta's encouraging words had made up Taeil's mind, but he still couldn't help but be beyond nervous. At least Taeil had a song prepared just in case. 

He walked in just as another person was finishing, peeking his head in through the door. 

"Come in!" A girl said in a friendly tone, and Taeil almost silently pattered in. He got in and walked up to the stage, his legs like jelly as he gave them his name and the name of the song. 

Taeil could barely hear himself sing over the sound of his own beating heart. He hoped they weren't looking someone with charisma, because in that moment he had even less of it than usual: his eyes were glued to the floor, and his hands shook uncontrollably where he held them behind his back. In terms of his singing, he was effectively on autopilot. 

But as soon as he finished, the sound of loud clapping filling the room shook him out of his head. Taeil looked up in wide eyed surprise to find the boy and girl smiling at him, genuinely too. 

"That was fantastic," the girl who invited him in said. 

"You're a real talent," the boy added. "We would be more than happy to have you in our choir." 

"R-really?" Taeil stuttered, embarrassed by how dramatic he was being. He still couldn't stop shaking and he was on the verge of tears. Singing was his greatest passion, and this was the first time anyone had ever complimented him on it. 

"Yes really," the girl spoke happily. "It would be an honor for you to join." 

"Th-thank you," Taeil managed to respond. 

"Our first practice is Wednesday. Be there!" The guy said. 

"I will!" Taeil answered gleefully, bowing and stepping off of the stage. He waved to the choir leaders, they waved back, and Taeil left the audition room. 

He walked down the hall with a skip in his step, barely resisting the urge to squeal or scream in delight. He was beyond excited, he was elated; the audition went better than anything he could've come up with in his wildest dreams. Taeil pulled his phone out of his pocket from habit, unlocking it to see that for once, he actually had a message. It was from Johnny, asking Taeil if he wanted to join the rest of the suite for lunch in the cafeteria at noon. 

"Sure!" Taeil replied, checking the time. It was 11:55, so he left the building and headed down to the cafeteria. 

As soon as he arrived he heard a big cheer from a table with all ten of his suitemates (minus Hyungil, of course). They beckoned him over and Taeil moved to sit at the very edge until Johnny called out to him. 

"Sit next to me!" Johnny cried. 

"S-sure," Taeil replied and he walked over, not noticing how Johnny literally shoved Ten away to make space for Taeil, and he squeezed in between them. Ten smirked at Johnny, and Johnny made a face. Taeil briefly wondered why Ten always acted so weird when he was around Johnny, but then forced himself to remember that he shouldn't get in anyone else's business. 

"How did your audition go?" Johnny asked as Kun handed everyone a tray of food. 

After thanking Kun, Taeil gave Johnny a look of surprise. "How did you remember that? I just briefly mentioned it to you." 

Johnny shrugged and smiled. "I dunno. It seemed important to you." Taeil flushed and stared down at his food, even though he wasn't sure why Johnny's words would make him react that way. "Anyways, tell me how it went!" Johnny spoke cheerfully. 

"It went surprisingly well!" Taeil admitted with a shy chuckle. "I was so nervous that I barely knew what I was singing. But I think they liked it." As Taeil spoke, Johnny slowly wrapped his muscular arm around Taeil's shoulders. Taeil tried not to react too much to his comforting touch, but it was difficult when Johnny's big hand rested right on his own tiny shoulder. He couldn't help but turn a little pink. 

"So you got in?" Johnny asked, not a hint of embarrassment on him, and Taeil cursed himself. 

"Yeah, I did." 

"Congratulations!" Johnny said excitedly. "I had a feeling it would turn out well." 

"I don't understand why you would think so. You've never heard me sing." 

"I dunno...I guess there's just something about you, Taeil." Johnny's words were punctuated with heavy eye contact, and Taeil felt himself go completely frozen. 

"Johnny!" Ten cried, making a teasing face. "You're scaring the kid. Can you puh-lease stop fl-"

"Can you stop butting into other people's business?" Johnny teased back. 

Ten scoffed. "As if. That's my fucking job." Taeil chuckled to himself, and Ten winked at him. 

Taeil smiled at Johnny before turning to look at the seats across from him. Yukhei and Jungwoo were lost in their own world, thighs pressed up against each other, wearing soft smiles. Yukhei had his hand on the back of Jungwoo's neck, massaging gently. 

"Gosh, Yukhei, you're making me blush," Jungwoo whined very quietly, looking down at his food. 

"Good," Yukhei answered with a confident grin. "You look prettiest when I make you red." Jungwoo turned even redder than he already was, and Taeil watched on in confusion. 

"Really guys? Right in front of my salad?" Johnny interrupted. 

"Johnny, I was trying to make a moment," Yukhei responded. 

"Flirt all you want, but maybe wait until you two have a bit more privacy," Johnny teased. 

"Like you and Taeil are any better," Yukhei replied, but Taeil didn't even hear; his head was filled with too many thoughts. 

They were two boys, outright, openly, flirting, not entirely caring who saw. It was something Taeil had never seen in his eighteen years on this earth. It was shocking to him that Johnny, in fact, nobody else seemed to care either. Johnny was simply teasing in a friendly way, not actually making fun of or being disgusted by Jungwoo and Yukhei. The only reaction Taeil had ever seen toward gay people was from Hyungil, which was always one of digust, ridicule, or hatred. To something different was, frankly, refreshing. Taeil had never even met a gay person before, so he'd never made up his mind on the issue for himself. 

In fact, Taeil never thought about romance all that much, even for himself. He just knew that nobody would ever be interested in him, so what would be the point of getting his hopes up? Maybe because of his insecurity, he doesn't even see himself as a romantic or sexual person. Maybe he's too afraid that if he allows himself to be that way, then he'll just get made fun of. For sure, he'd get his heart broken. 

Or maybe he's just overthinking it. Maybe he just misread Johnny and Yukhei's conversation; they were probably just joking. But Taeil's skin began to burn where Johnny's fingers rubbed his shoulder. Maybe he was misinterpreting it because he was the gay one. Taeil shook the thought from his head, suppressing it as far as his mind would let him. Shame clouded his cheeks, but he mentally returned to the conversation. 

"Taeil, aren't you hungry? You've barely touched your food," Johnny spoke with concern. 

"O-oh," Taeil stuttered, looking down to see that Johnny was right. He nodded and put a spoonful of rice in his mouth. Johnny smiled at the sight, and was about to say something when the sound of giggling behind them made them both turn their heads. 

A very beautiful group of girls were walking over to their table, some already chattering with Taeyong and Yuta down at the other end. Taeil hummed; he figured this would happen. Girls always came over to chat with Hyungil, and since Taeil's new roommates were even more handsome, it was bound to happen.

Two girls with lightly dyed hair and big smiles walked over to Johnny and Taeil, a certain shyness in their step. 

"Hi!" One of them spoke cheerfully. "Can we sit with you guys?"

"Of course! The more the merrier," Johnny answered. The shy girl sat down next to Johnny, and to Taeil's surprise, the friendly girl sat down next to him, not even near her friend. 

"I'm Haewon!" She spoke. 

"Taeil," He answered, and they shared a smile. She looked him over but didn't move, and Taeil was shook. This was the first time in his life a girl had expressed any interest in him. It was probably just the guys he was around, but it still made him feel good to get at least a bit of attention. "What's your major?" He asked. She proceeded to launch into a long discussion about media marketing. Taeil tried his best to listen, but he couldn't help but be distracted by his new friends. 

As a lonely person, Taeil was an expert on reading conversations from a distance, just by body language. From what he could tell, none of the guys were romantically interested in the girls they were talking to. He wasn't either, but there was something different about the way his new friends talked to these girls than he'd ever seen before. Taeil spent his whole life watching his brother interact with girls, but somehow, it was never like they were human beings. He treated women like they were accessories, commodities, prizes to be won, clout to be worn. But his new friends...it was obvious just by their expressions that they were listening, paying attention, that even if these girls weren't their type, they were still human beings. That just because they weren't interested in them, doesn't mean they shouldn't be treated with respect. And even if they were interested, Taeil knew they would be treated well. It was like his friends didn't know any other way to treat women. 

Even Johnny was trying to bring the shy girl out of her shell, asking her questions and making her laugh. It was lovely, really, Taeil thought, how Johnny always made such an effort to make even the most shy and awkward feel comfortable around him. Taeil noticed how much Johnny did it for him. One day, Taeil would have to repay him for it. 

Part of Taeil wished Johnny was talking to him instead, but mostly he was content to just watch. He had spent his whole life watching, being on the outside, and it was where he felt the most comfortable. Even though his social awkwardness was quite a burden, he could get to know people much more easily by watching them talk to others; he made it work for himself. Watching Johnny was satisfying, but even still, Johnny turned his head to smile at Taeil. Somehow, Taeil flushed. It was strange to think that even if he felt he was on the outside, maybe Johnny didn't feel that way. His new friends might see him as one of them, and that was almost impossible to imagine. 

"What's your major?" Haewon suddenly asked. 

Taeil physically shook his head to clear his thoughts and smiled at her. "Oh, it's music theory." 

Her eyes immediately lit up. "Oh really?" To Taeil's surprise, Johnny and the girl he was with turned to look at Taeil. 

"I didn't know that. That's so cool," Johnny spoke. 

"I dunno..." Taeil responded shyly. 

"You are the next big star of Soonchunhyang choir," Johnny spoke. 

"Am not!" Taeil whined. "I'm really not that good."

"Liar," Johnny mumbled with a small smile, lifting his eyebrows. Taeil felt a hot shiver run down his spine, and he felt like he had to turn his head away. 

"I swear," Yukhei piped up. "You two are way worse than Jungwoo and I." 

"Let me be in peace and fl-"

Taeil's eyes were growing wider at this exchange, listening closely as the girls looked on in confusion, until they were interrupted. 

"Haewon! Dayeon!" The girl who was talking to Taeyong cried. "We're late for that meeting!" 

"Seriously?" Haewon whined, the two girls rushing to stand up and gather their things. "Bye! Nice meeting you guys!" Haewon said, both girls waving as they ran off with their friends. 

Johnny sighed gently as they left, closing the gap between Taeil and himself and wrapping his arm again around Taeil's shoulder. 

"They seemed nice," Taeil mumbled, distracted once again by Johnny's hand. 

"Yeah," Johnny spoke disinterestedly, looking at Taeil's face. 

"As I was saying..." Yukhei started. 

"As you were not saying," Johnny interrupted, ignoring him and turning to Taeil. "Tell me more about music theory. What got you into it?"

"Well, I've always loved music. I really love to sing, even if I'm not very good at it." 

"Bullshit," Johnny said. Taeil gave him a look. "Go on."

"Those have always been my passions. I would love to work as a music producer at an entertainment company."

"Or as an idol."

Taeil snorted. "No way. Have you seen me?"

"I have," Johnny rebutted with a smile. 

"And you've never even heard me sing!"

"I can just tell you're good. Anyways, I have a feeling that you always underrate your own talents." Taeil shook his head and rolled his eyes, not knowing exactly what to say back. 

As he grabbed his fork to take another bite of his food, he saw Hyungil pass by. His twin had a big group of boys and girls by his side, eyes on him and him alone. But for the first time, Taeil looked right at him. Usually when Hyungil passed by, Taeil was alone and Hyungil would just sneer at him. But Taeil had just as big of a group with him, and all Hyungil did was watch Taeil was starting to be his equal, and Hyungil was terrified.

Hyungil finally exited the cafeteria, and Taeil looked down at his phone. "Oh, shit," he mumbled.

"What is it?" Johnny responded, leaning over Taeil where his muscular arm was still wrapped around his shoulder. Johnny's face was so close to his on, and somehow, it made him flush. 

Momentarily his brain power shut off, and Taeil had to clear his throat to be able to even form words again. "It's almost class time for me." 

"What time is it?"

"12:45."

"Oh, shit," Johnny responded, giving Taeil's shoulder one last rub before grabbing his bag and standing up. His other friends mumbled to themselves before realizing it was time for all of them to go, packing up their things. They all grabbed their plates and got into the line to clear their trays, and Johnny turned to smile down at Taeil. 

"Thanks for coming out for lunch today."

"Oh, it was nothing," Taeil spoke, looking down at the ground. 

"It was super fun. I'm glad you were there." Johnny stared pointedly, and for the second time in the span of about five minutes, Taeil forgot how to function. 

"I-I'm glad I was too," Taeil answered, and it was the absolute truth. 

They finally managed to get to the end of the line and dump their things, walking out of the cafeteria and back out into the freezing open air of campus. Taeil shivered, holding his padded jacket tight around him, and he didn't notice Johnny mumble 'cute' under his breath.

"Which way are you going?" Johnny asked, and Taeil pointed right. "I'm going left," Johnny answered with a sigh. 

"Well, I'll see you after class," Taeil spoke softly. 

Johnny grinned that big grin of his, and Taeil couldn't for the life of him explain why he felt so light headed. "See you then." They shared a wave and walked in opposite directions. In Taeil's mind, that lunch was the funnest lunch he'd ever spent. Even if he got a lunch break just like that forever, with his new roommates, his life would be complete. 

And, he didn't even notice Johnny watching him go. 


	5. that one time taeil went to seoul for the weekend

On Friday evening, Taeil was smiling. Instead of being stuck doing homework in the library, he was on the express train on his way to Seoul for the weekend. Quite a few of his international suitemates had never been to the big city, since their university was so far out, so Taeyong and Doyoung organized the short weekend trip. Out of obligation, they invited everyone in the suite (including Hyungil), plus some of the girls they met on Monday, so there was a massive group of twenty-four of them, filling up the seats on the bus. None of the suite wanted to invite Hyungil, but their kindness outweighed their annoyance, so he was coming along with them. 

The train into Seoul plus short subway rides to get to their airbnb made it so by the time they got to where they were starying, it was really too late to do anything big. The whole group of them went for dinner, crowding the tiny samgyeobsal restaurant, leaving stuffed and happy an hour or two later. They bought way too many snacks at the convenience store before crashing into their airbnb, changing into pajamas but still too excited to go to bed. 

They all sat around the big living room of their suite, snacking and lookng around. Taeil had never shared a house with a bunch of girls before, and even if he wasn't attracted to them, the idea of it was still exciting. Hyungil was practically bouncing out of his seat. 

"Johnny, aren't American parties pretty wild?" Yuta asked, and Johnny nodded. 

"It's not true for everyone, but I know I went to a lot of those kinds of parties in high school."

"What's the craziest party game you know?" Hyungil asked. 

Johnny thought for a moment before smiling. "Uh, probably seven minutes in heaven." 

"How do you play?" Ten asked. 

"So...everyone writes down their name and puts it in a bowl or hat or something. Then someone pulls a name out and has to go into the closet with them for seven minutes. Technically you don't have to do anything, but it's way more fun if you kiss, at the very least." 

"Let's play," Hyungil spoke immediately, and for once, the rest agreed with him. Taeil nodded hesitantly; he was nervous, not to mention he'd never been kissed before. But the game seemed fun, and anyways, if he didn't kiss someone now, then when would it happen?

Kun got out a notebook and looked around, tearing up the paper and writing down their names on the little slips. 

"Kun, maybe just write down the guys names, and the girls will pick them out," Hyungil said matter-of-factly. 

"Hold up," Ten interrupted, and everyone looked at him. "What is this, 1952? Girls only going with guys is so boring. Kun, just put in everyone's names. If a girl gets a girl or a guy gets a guy, that's fucking that." 

Slowly, everyone, both boys and girls, began to murmur their agreements. Hyungil was disgusted, but he was outnumbered, so he fell back. "Fine," he gumbled as Kun got everyone's names and put them into a bowl he found in the kitchen. 

"Who's going first?" Kun asked. 

"I will!" A sweet looking girl with short hair piped up. Kun passed her the bowl, and she pulled out a slip of paper, reading it quietly to herself. "Jaehyun?" She said quietly, looking around for the face that belonged to the name. 

Jaehyun stood up slowly as everyone ooh'd and aah'd at the pair, sharing an awkward smile. 

"Shall we?" Jaehyun asked. The girl nodded, and they uncomfortably went into the closet. Kun started the timer and other than the occasional undiscernalbe noises coming from the shut door, nothing much of interest happened. They stepped out just a few seconds after the timer blared, sharing another awkward smile before sitting back down in their earlier spots. 

"Not bad," Jaehyun said while nodding. 

"Not bad yourself," the girl answered. 

"Did you guys even kiss?" Ten asked. 

"Yeah," Jaehyun answered, a bit shyly, and everyone cooed. 

"It wasn't even with tongue though. Super casual," the girl explained. 

Yuta looked around and grinned. "I'll go next," he volunteered. He got another one of the girls and went into the closet with her. She seemed extra shy, and there were even less sounds coming from the closet than when Jaehyun and the other girl were in it. Again, they emerged seven minutes later uneventfully. 

"Did anything happened?" Taeyong whispered to Yuta. 

"Just a peck," Yuta responded very quietly. "It was her first kiss." 

"Me next!" One of the loud girls cried, grabbing the bowl and digging through the papers. She pulled one out, the other girls looking over her shoulder with their mouths agape. "Hyemin!" She cried, throwing another one of the louder girls a wink. The whole group got excited again, cheering them on and watching closely. Even Hyungil seemed excited, but Taeil figured that was just because he found two girls together hot. 

They stood up and grabbed each other's hands, pracing over to the closet door with nervous and excited smiles. As soon as they heard the sound of the door shutting, Kun started the timer. 

It started off slow but soon enough, noises began to emit from the shut door. Everyone seemed to inch closer to it, listening to the sounds of high pitched female giggles, loud thuds, and soft, almost sexy whispers. Taeil couldn't decide whether all the excitement came from the fetish of two cute girls together, or that finally some people were getting into the game.

"Uh-um, your time is up," Kun said, a couple seconds after the alarm began to blare. With a loud knock the girls pushed open the door, both with their hair tousled and lips plush. The girl apparently named Hyemin had bright red cheeks. 

"How was it?" Ten asked with a raise of his eyebrow. The girls just giggled loudly; it was obvious to everyone that they'd done more than just peck each other's lips. 

"Fun," the girl who reached into the bowl said slyly, giggling at her friend again. They sat down, and everyone waited for the next victim of the game. 

"I guess I'll go," Taeyong spoke with a shrug, Ten waggling his eyebrows at him before Taeyong reached into the bowl. As he dug around, he whispered something into Ten's ear, only reading the slip of paper in his hand when he finally finished saying what he had to say to Ten. 

Taeyong looked up with a surprised and amused expression. "Uh, Kun?"

"Holy shit," Kun said dejectedly. 

"I'll take over the timer," Doyoung spoke gleefully, gently pushing Kun up. Kun relunctantly stood, and Taeyong grinned jokingly at him. 

"Ready to have some fun?" Taeyong asked. 

"Absolutely not," Kun responded and everyone burst out laughing; he had already been pinned as the prude of the group. The two of them walked in, and Taeyong tugged Kun inside. Many noises came from the closet during Taeyong and Kun's seven minutes: frustrated yet very unsexual whines, lots of crashing, and many feminine giggles that definitely came from Taeyong's lips. As soon as Doyoung called time Kun pushed his way out the door, followed by Taeyong, who was laughing his ass off. 

"I have been violated!" Kun cried, definitely flusterest but also definitely joking. 

"It was just a peck!" Taeyong whined back. 

"Ugh," Kun groaned as he and Taeyong sat back down. He put his face in his hands as Taeyong and Ten whispered and giggled to themselves. "What would my girlfriend say?"

Despite Hyungil's disgust with the entire situation he still looked up in surprise; he hadn't expected Kun to be the one out of all the handsome guys to have a girlfriend. Even Taeil was a little surprised, but Kun was so sweet and kind that after a bit of thought, it made a lot of sense. 

"Kun, I think if your girlfriend was here, she'd find it hilarious," Yuta said, patting Kun on the back. 

"Please, someone else just go," Kun bemoaned. 

"Uh, me," a girl said softly. "I wanna get it over with," she whispered to her friend before reaching into the bowl. "Sicheng?"

The Chinese boy in questions made a face and stood up, the two completely neutrally making their way into the closet. After a very short, unintelligible whispered conversation, the closet fell silent until the timer went off. They emerged as soon as it was time, sitting back down without any emotion. 

"What happened in there?" Taeil overheared Yuta ask Sicheng. 

"Nothing. We didn't feel like kissing," Sicheng explained. Taeil briefly wondered why Sicheng would agree to play if he didn't actually want to  kiss, until he noticed his fingers lightly pressing on the top inside of Yuta's thigh. He shook his guess from his mind, immediately feeling guilty. 

"Taeil?" Johnny's voice suddenly spoke; Taeil was distracted by Yuta and Sicheng so he hadn't been paying attention. When he looked up, he saw Johnny looking at him with a slip of paper in his hand...the slip of paper with Taeil's name on it. 

Taeil looked panicked back at Johnny, and Johnny stared at him with an expression he couldn't read. Hyungil was covering his mouth to hide his outright laughter at the situation, but Taeil was way too nervous to care. Everyone else seemed very interested in what was about to go down, and that only made Taeil more freaked out. 

He and Johnny silently stood up, Johnny giving him a comforting smile as they walked toward the closet. Johnny took his hand, helped him inside, and shut the door. It was absolutely pitch black in there; Taeil couldn't even see the silhouette of Johnny's frame. Luckily he managed not to knock anything over, leaning against the closet's side wall. Their breathing was the loudest thing in the tiny room, drowning out the muffled noises of talking outside, and he was terrified Johnny would hear the beating of his heart. 

"Taeil," Johnny mumbled, his voice so low, and Taeil felt a shiver run down his spine. "If you don't feel comfortable kissing me, that's alright." 

Panic ran through Taeil. As absolutely painful as it was to admit, a big part of Taeil was utterly desperate to kiss Johnny. Johnny's voice, the lack of light, the entire situation; in that moment he'd never wanted someone more. It frightened him; for his first real attraction to be with another man was something Taeil didn't even want to think about. But he was needy enough to push his worries aside and let himself have what he wanted. 

"N-n-no," Taeil stuttered back, just above a whisper. "I do feel comfortable...I mean, i-if you do." 

Taeil couldn't see Johnny's face at all in the dark lighting, but somehow he was sure Johnny was smiling. "I do feel comfortable," he mumbled, a small lilt in his voice. "Could I kiss you?" Taeil felt Johnny's massive frame inch closer, and his breaths were just so loud in the tiny closet. 

"Uh-huh," Taeil responded, unable to think of a proper response due to the intensity of the situation. He heard Johnny inhale, exhale, and suddenly lips were on his. 

Taeil felt himself trembling as Johnny kissed him so delicately at first, like if he kissed Taeil any harder, he might break him. Taeil felt so warm, so safe, Johnny's massive body surrounding him, taking care of him in this vulnerable moment. Taeil had spent most of his life thinking about his first kiss with rising panic; the longer he waited the more nervewracking the actual moment would be. But Johnny tilted his head, Taeil followed, and Taeil never imagined that any of this would be quite so easy.   
Johnny's lips pressed harder and Taeil just copied his movements, the closet seemingly becoming hotter as they pressed closer and closer. No longer was Johnny being quite so cautious but he was still soft and gentle with Taeil's tiny body, very lightly pressing him completely against the side wall of the closet. He was so tall and Taeil had to stand on his tippy toes to reach his lips, but that felt even better. One of Johnny's giant hands cupped Taeil's face, the other wrapped around his waist, and Taeil swore he was in heaven. He would think about the consequences of enjoying this so much later, for now, he could just himself have a little fun. 

Taeil released a small noise of disappointment when he felt Johnny's lips leaving his own, his hot breath in his ear. "Is this okay?" Johnny whispered, his voice so low and rough, his fingers snaked beneath Taeil's t-shirt and caressing the bare skin of his waist and stomach. 

"Yeah," Taeil answered breathlessly, Johnny placing two light kisses on his neck before pressing their lips together again. Johnny's other hand made its way beneath Taeil's top too, rubbing circles on his pale skin, pressing their chests flush together. Johnny was still as gentle and caring as ever, but it definitely felt good to be a little bit manhandled by him. 

"God, Taeil, you're so-" Johnny started, his breathing short and shallow, but he was suddenly interrupted by the sound of the timer going off. They both sighed deeply, and Johnny didn't let go of Taeil for seconds that felt like minutes. 

"Come on, get out of there you two," Doyoung teased, and Johnny finally pushed his way out, followed by a very shy Taeil. 

Everyone immediately began to whoop and holler at them. Johnny sauntered back confidently, but Taeil could do nothing of the sort; he scurried to his own place like a little mouse. 

"What the hell did he do to you?" Ten whispered to Taeil. 

"N-nothing," Taeil stuttered. Ten sighed and rolled his eyes, clearly not buying Taeil's bs. 

"Look in the mirror," Ten answered. Taeil opened the camera on his phone, and his soon as he did, his eyes grew wide: his lips were a little swollen, and his cheeks were bright red. It was immediately obvious what had happened in there. 

"Taeil, did you fucking like that?" Hyungil started. Taeil's smile disappeared and he looked down at his lap; he should've known his brother would take the opportunity to humiliate him in a situation like this. But with his head down, he couldn't see everyone else glare at him. "I've always had a feeling you were into that-"

"Hyungil, shut up," Jungwoo interrupted. Taeil looked up in shock; even though he was quiet, the whole room heard him. This was one of the first times he'd heard Jungwoo speak, and it was in his defense. Taeil was truly touched. 

"What?" Hyungil asked, chuckling awkwardly. 

"Yeah, shut up. No one cares," Taeyong added. "Now, who's next?"

Taeil was still in too much shock, from being kissed, being touched, from everyone's defense of him to pay attention to what was going on around him. It wasn't until two girls had gone in and out and Hyungil was emerging with a girl, that he finally snapped back to attention. The girl was grimacing painfully, and Hyungil looked bitter, almost embarrassed even. 

"Fucking prude," Hyungil muttered under his breath. The girl who went in with him whispered something to her friends, and they all turned to glare at him; one even subtely giving him the middle finger. But Taeil was not surprised; he should've known his brother would do something stupid in that closet. 

"Can I please go?" Ten groaned, and the last girl passed him the bowl. "Uh, Dayeon?" 

The girl apparently named Dayeon stood up and grinned with a light in her eyes; she seemed excited to get Ten. Ten seemed neutral on the situation, but Taeyong looked really pissed off: he was slouched over, his arms were crossed, and Taeil could honestly say he was pouting. Ten gave him a look, and he went into the closet. Loud bangs and high pitched giggles emerged from it, and by the end of the seven minutes, Taeyong was fuming. 

Ten emerged from the closet, sitting back down next to Taeyong, and Taeil listened closely to their whispered conversation. 

"What's your problem?" Ten whined, and Taeyong continued to pout. "We didn't do anything." Immediately, Taeyong began to smile, and Taeil wondered why Taeyong would care so much about his friend's actions in the closet. 

The next few rounds passed fairly quickly, another set of girls going in and out. Doyoung and Jungwoo went in too, and when they emerged it was obvious that they'd kissed. But before and after, Jungwoo and Yukhei shared a forlorned look, and Taeil could only assume that they'd wanted to go in together. Yukhei went next, and when he got one of the girls, Taeil thought Jungwoo was about to cry. Yukhei looked beyond disappointed, but he still went in dutifully.

"Guys, I'm exhausted," Kun spoke up as soon as Yukhei and the girl were done. Taeil checked his phone; it was two am. 

"Yeah, we should head to bed," Taeyong responded, everyone standing up with a groan. 

"There's not nearly enough beds for all of us," Ten explained. "So you either gotta share or sleep on the floor. Pick your poison." Everyone moved to go brush their teeth and head to bed, and Johnny pulled Taeil aside. 

"Wanna share? I'd rather not sleep on the floor." 

"S-sure," Taeil stuttered, still a little shy from their kiss earlier that night. 

"Good," Johnny answered and they crashed onto one of the free beds, very much ready to sleep. Someone got up to turn off the light, and despite the many boys in the room, it mostly fell silent. 

"Good night," Johnny whispered into the dark, yet Taeil could still tell there was a smile on his face. 

"Good night," Taeil whispered back, and shut his eyes. In the bed, Taeil could feel so much: the soft movements of Johnny's limbs, the warmth eminating from his skin, his breaths fanning across Taeil's face. They faced each other in the bed, and it should have been awkward. But it felt warm and safe, and Taeil fell asleep right away. 

~~~~~~~~~~

Taeil awoke to his body being softly shaken. His eyes blinked open and he saw Johnny sitting upright next to him, looking him over with a gentle smile. 

"Morning sleepyhead," Johnny teased, and Taeil felt his heart warm up and his lips twist up into an affectionate smile; it was just too cute. 

"Mmh, morning," Taeil replied, and Johnny made the same expression he was making. 

"Come on, get up. Kun made everyone breakfast." 

"He did?" Taeil cried, sitting up. Johnny chuckled, and the two got up to eat. 

Despite Taeil's fears, despite his shame at his own growing attraction, that night and morning with Johnny had been utterly perfect. If Taeil could live every morning this way, he would be happy for the rest of his life. 


	6. that one time taeil caught his friends having sex

The Monday after they got back from Seoul was a sad day indeed. Getting ready for classes was quite depressing when he thought about how much fun he was having just a day or two earlier. Johnny had a class at the same time as him, so they were getting ready together. Things were very much normal between them but as much as he tried, he couldn't get that kiss out of his head. 

"Hey Taeil," Johnny said shyly, turning towards him. Taeil gave him a brief glance back before turning his head to the desk, hiding any expressions he made. 

"Yeah?" Taeil answered, doing everything in his power to control his voice.

"I never told you," he spoke with a sly smile. "During seven minutes in heaven...you were pretty good." 

Taeil immediately dropped the hairbrush in his hand, his eyes widening as he scrambled to pick it up. That was one thing Taeil did not expect to hear at 8:15 in the morning. 

"U-um...really?" was the only response Taeil could manage to speak. 

"Yeah," Johnny answered with a grin. 

"But that was my first kiss."

"Seriously?" Johnny asked, and Taeil nodded. "I couldn't tell. You were good." Johnny looked Taeil over like he knew exactly what he was doing. 

"Thanks," Taeil finally answered. "Y-you too." He was finally ready for class, and he left as soon as possible, just to escape all of the feelings in his head. But he definitely left in a daze. 

~~~~~~~~~~~

As Taeil was leaving class for his long mid-morning break, he was met with a sight he did not want to see: his brother Hyungil. If this was high school his brother would've just ignored him, but for some reason, Hyungil ran over to him.  

"Hey Taeil," Hyungil spoke, slapping him on the back a little too hard. 

Taeil winced. "Hey." He did not want to be doing this right now. 

"You liking uni so far?"

"Yeah, it's actually going well," Taeil answered, and it was the truth. 

Hyungil released an exaggerated sigh. "I think uni is stupid." Taeil barely held back an eye roll. He knew that his brother was about to launch into a full monologue, and Taeil was not in the mood. "All the kids here are so fucking dumb, they only care about stupid things. And the teachers here are so strict and hard! They always play favorites. And honestly, our suitemates are so fucking annoying."

That was where Taeil had to stop him. "I don't think our suitemates are annoying. They've been nothing but nice to us." 

"Well, of course you would think so," Hyungil commented, and Taeil didn't know what to make of that. "They're just...ugh. Probably all fucking gay. All the kids here, our suitemates too, I tell them some cool story, and they don't even care." 

Taeil sighed; he knew exactly what his brother was trying to say. In high school, boys and girls were almost obsessed with him: following him around, listening to anything he said, doing anything he asked. Here, people didn't care so much, they treated him with kindness, yes, but not the godlike reverance from before, and he viewed that as an attack. Probably his stories consisted of offensive shit he did in high school, and combined with his rude personality, people's kindess was probably fading away too. His extra hatred for his suitemates was just jealousy. They had the handsomeness, popularity, and girls Hyungil had in high school, with a kind personality too. Hyungil most likely didn't even pick up on their strange interactions, he was too oblivious for that, gay was just the only insult his small mind could come up with. As for their teachers, Taeil found them all to be fair and good. They just weren't buying any of Hyungil's charm and bullshit, and held him to the same standard of the rest of the students. Now that Hyungil actually had to put in the work, which he'd never done before, his true scholastic abilities were showing. 

The angel on Taeil's shoulder felt bad for Hyungil, while the devil on the other side was satisfied that Hyungil was finally getting his comeuppance. But mostly, Taeil just pitied him: if people hadn't babied Hyungil, he wouldn't have peaked in high school. But Taeil was also just ready for this conversation to be over. Luckily when he pulled out his phone, he got the reprieve he wanted, a message from Johnny to meet them for lunch. 

"Alright, Hyungil, I gotta go," Taeil said. "Nice talking to you." 

"See you around," Hyungil answered, his voice still a bit upset, but Taeil walked away without another thought.

~~~~~~~~~~

"How's your day so far?" Johnny asked when Taeil sat down with his friends, Johnny's muscular arm again hooking around his slim shoulder. Even though he was annoyed by his conversation with Hyungil he still smiled; being with his friends made him so much more relaxed. 

"It was alright," Taeil responded, taking a bite of his food. 

Johnny looked immediately concerned. "What happened?"

"I had a weird conversation with my brother." The others, all listening before, leaned in closer now. "He was just whining and saying how he thought everyone was stupid because they aren't obsessed with him."

Yuta groaned, and the others sighed. "What a fucking dick," Ten commented. 

"Right?!" Taeil responded. 

"It was really rude how he teased you after seven minutes in heaven," Sicheng spoke quietly. 

"And the girl he went into the closet with...she seemed so freaked out afterward," Jaehyun spoke. 

"I wonder what happened in there," Kun added with concern. 

Taeil sighed deeply. "Really, he's always like that." 

"Seriously?" Doyoung cried, and Taeil nodded. 

"He doesn't treat anyone well, but he's extra cruel to women." 

"How horrible..." Jungwoo mumbled. 

"He just doesn't respect them. I know, it's terrible." 

"It doesn't seem like he's very nice to you either," Johnny spoke. 

"Yeah. He's...like how he spoke to me on the Seoul trip? That's how he always treats me." 

"Taeil!" Taeyong cried. "You've had to put up with that your whole life too?"

"Yeah," he admitted. "It's sucked." 

"I'm really, really sorry," Johnny said, pulling Taeil into a side hug, and the others vocalized their concern too. For the first time, Taeil felt validated. Nobody had ever understood what he'd gone through, and nobody had ever cared enough to try to understand. He was heard, they listened. 

"I would love to punch him," Yukhei said. Some of the others laughed, but some nodded in agreement. 

Taeil checked his phone and sighed. "Time for class," he spoke dejectedly. Everyone said goodbye and headed off to class, while Taeil felt a weight lifted off of his chest. It was such a relief to vent about his brother, and he was lucky to be able to do it. 

~~~~~~~~~~

When Taeil got back from class, the dorm was virtually empty. The only sounds were those that came simply from moving around in your room, all the way on the other side of the dorm. Even Johnny wasn't there, and even though Taeil missed him, he was grateful for the quiet to do his homework in peace. 

But, he hit a snag. He was terribly confused by his English homework, and Johnny wasn't there to help him. Taeil ran over all of his suitemates, trying to remember who spoke English well. Yukhei, Jaehyun, and Ten all spoke it, but he remembered Johnny saying Ten was the best, so Taeil grabbed his homework to go ask him for help. 

The suite was still very quiet so Taeil worried that Ten wasn't there. Taeil didn't want to bother anyone in the first place, but he desperately needed the help. As Taeil approached Ten's room, he heard soft, indiscernable sounds coming from the inside, and the door was wide open. Taeil was relieved, and he approached the entrance. But as soon as he peeked his head inside, he was not prepared for the sight he saw: Taeyong balls deep in Ten.

Taeil was the first to scream, and Ten and Taeyong looked up. They yelled as well, eyes bulging wide with panic, quickly getting out of position and throwing a blanket over their naked bodies. Taeil was frozen in place for a few moments but as soon as he was out of it, he ran as fast as he could into the living room. He threw himself on the couch, panting a little, just needing a second to think. 

Taeil was an observant person, so he couldn't deny that he'd seen the signs before: their clinginess to each other even immediately upon moving in, their secretive whispered conversations, Taeyong's anger when Ten went into the closet with someone else during seven minutes in heaven. It had all been there for Taeil to discover yet somehow he hadn't realized; he was still in shock. Were they actually together? Or were they just friends with benefits? Either way, the signs had all been there. Maybe Taeil just hadn't wanted to adknowledge that there was something between them. Despite his harsh words Hyungil had been right about Ten's sexuality, and after all the rhetoric Hyungil had drilled into his head over the years, it was hard not to view being gay as a bad thing. He didn't want to think of his new friends as something that had been villanized his entire life. 

But how did he actually feel about it? After all, his brother's opinions weren't his own. He definitely did not want to see Taeyong or Ten having sex. But the principle of it...no, he didn't mind. Who they dated was their buniess; it didn't affect him in the slightest. He couldn't imagine either of them dating a woman anyways. Hyungil would say that no matter what, it's scary to live with gay men, because they might be into him. Perhaps Taeil did care about Ten and Taeyong's relationship, and he didn't mind living with them because he liked the idea of men being interested in him. After all, since that kiss with Johnny, he's beginning to understand how Ten and Taeyong feel. All the feelings he should have towards girls are directed at Johnny. If that's how Ten and Taeyong feel about each other, then Taeil can't blame them; it's not their fault. Taeil knew that if he could control his feelings, he would put a stop to them right away. 

Didn't Ten say he and Johnny had been friends since they were very little? If so, wouldn't Johnny know about Ten's sexuality, and probably accept it? Didn't the others know Ten from before too; wouldn't they know and accept his sexuality? What if they were gay? What if Taeil himself was gay, and that's why he got along so well with them?

Taeil was beginning to panic, so he forced himself to take a deep breath. Hyungil and his parents don't accept him anyways; if he was gay things would get even worse. He didn't want to think about it, he couldn't, so he just shut his brain off and tried to breath. Anyways, this whole situation was about Ten and Taeyong, not himself. Maybe it was bad to keep bottling up these thoughts, but if he had an excuse, he would. 

Just then, Ten and Taeyong walked into the living room, wearing embarrassed expressions and luckily, clothing. 

"Can we talk?" Ten asked. 

"O-of course," Taeil answered, and Ten and Taeyong sat down on the floor across from him. Watching them, it was strange: they seemed so incredibly nervous, humiliated, and guilty. Neither of them could look Taeil in the eye. 

"We just wanna say we're really, really sorry you had to see us like...that. It couldn't have been good," Ten started. 

"Well, it happens," Taeil answered. It did suck to see them like that, but they looked so embarrassed that Taeil want to make them feel any worse. 

"N-no, we're really sorry...l-like, we just met, a-and...we're just sorry," Taeyong stuttered, and he somehow looked even worse off than Ten. 

"We probably would've walked in on that at some point this semester. I just got it over with." 

"Still....we wouldn't have done it if we thought anyone was home...we didn't hear you come in," Ten explained. 

"We're so sorry," Taeyong interjected. 

"Seriously, we're sorry," Ten added. 

Taeil sighed softly; he couldn't figure out why Ten and Taeyong were being just so apologetic, Taeil thought it would be way more embarrassing for them than for him. Anyways, he said it was alright multiple times already. 

"It's okay!" Taeil said. "It's okay. I promise." 

The pair looked at him in surprise. "Really?" Taeyong asked shyly. 

"Yes. It's alright." Both Ten and Taeyong breathed an obvious sigh of relief, and the living room fell silent. The situation was still awkward, and even though Taeil had a million questions, he didn't want to pry into their private business. 

"You're probably wondering why we were...um..." Ten finally piped up, and Taeil barely held back a sigh of relief. 

"Yeah, I was, actually," Taeil admitted. 

Taeyong and Ten shared a look, words spoken between them without any movement of their lips, something they did quite often. Taeil knew he should have realized there was something going on between them earlier; their connection was so obvious. 

"So...we weren't just h-having sex to hook up...actually we've been together for a while now," Taeyong explained. 

"Six years, to be exact," Ten interjected with pride. 

Taeil was genuinely surprised. "Six years? How old were you guys when you started dating?"

The couple shared a smile. "We were twelve," Taeyong spoke with a big grin. 

"Holy shit," Taeil mumbled. "How did you guys even meet? Since you grew up in two different countries..."

Ten giggled. "So, when I was in, like, seventh grade, I stumbled on Taeyong's facebook page. I thought he was super cute so I sent him a private message. Even though there was a language barrier, we couldn't stop talking, even until like three in the morning. We started going out pretty quickly, and the rest is history."

"So you guys were, like, an internet couple? Long distance?"

They both nodded. "Yeah, it sucked," Taeyong explained. "But it was so worth it." 

"Did you guys ever see each other face to face before now?"

"Only once, when I was in Korea for a dance competition. But that was like three years ago. This is only the second time we've met in person," Ten responded. 

"Really? That's crazy. You guys seem like you've known each other your entire lives." 

"It feels like we have," Taeyong answered with a soft chuckle. 

"That's why we picked this school," Ten added. "We really, really wanted to be together as much as possible. Here, exchange students like me can live with regular students like Taeyong, plus we could pick our roommates." 

"We just...we just wanted to be close, for once," Taeyong said. 

"I get it. I understand," Taeil answered. It was true; of course he would understand why the couple would want to room together. After being long distance for so long, they deserved it. 

"You know, that's why I know everyone in the dorm. I gathered as many friends as I could to live with us in the suite. I wanted people who I was sure would be okay and accepting of me and Taeyong's relationship. I didn't want to make a bunch of strangers sharing my suite uncomfortable when they inevitably found out about us," Ten spoke. 

"So everyone else knows?" Taeil asked. 

"Other than Hyungil, yeah," Taeyong answered. Noticing Taeil's hurt expression, he continued. "We just weren't sure if you'd be okay with it. We didn't want to make you uncomfortable." 

"I understand," Taeil answered truthfully. "Hyungil is totally homophobic, as I'm sure both of you already know. But I don't care if you two are dating. In fact, I think you two are a really cute couple and I'm glad you get to share a room after so much time apart." 

Ten and Taeyong shared surprised yet touched smiles before turning back to Taeil. 

"Seriously?" Taeyong asked, extremely softly. 

"Of course. You both are really cool, I'm lucky to be in your suite." 

"I...I-I can't believe it..." Taeyong mumbled. 

"It's not that we assumed you'd be homophobic," Ten jumped in. "It's just that, people we don't know as well aren't usually this accepting, especially people from Korea...plus your brother is so..."

"Don't worry about it, I get why you'd be concernced," Taeil interjected. 

"But we're really glad you're not homophobic," Ten spoke up. 

"Yeah, you're so cool, it would've been heartbreaking to find out you don't accept us," Taeyong said. 

Taeil scoffed. "I'm cool?" 

"Of course!" Ten cried. 

"And so are you," Taeil responded. 

"Awe!" Ten said, sitting up and hugging Taeil tightly. Taeyong followed, and Taeil wrapped his arms around their shoulders. 

"I'm really sorry you walked in on us,' Taeyong said softly. 

"Maybe let's stop bringing it up babe?" Ten teased back. Taeil chuckled and smiled, they were so domestic and adorable and Taeil was so glad they could be their true selves around him (as long as he didn't think about his own true self). They hugged silently for a while before Ten perked up. 

"Why did you come to our room in the first place?" he asked. 

"Oh!" Taeil responded, pulling out of the hug and shuffling through the papers he'd abandoned on the living room table. "I was going to ask you for help with my English homework." 

"Show me! I'm happy to help," Ten answered, and Taeyong stood up. 

"I'm going back to the room. When it comes to English, I"m no help anyways," Taeyong said. Taeil and Ten wished him goodbye, and started to look at Taeil's homework. Even though it had been a crazy day for him, Taeil came away feeling happy and uplifted. Maybe by accepting Taeyong and Ten's relationship, he was beginning to accept himself just a little bit more. By no means was this admitting his own sexuality, but it was an inch closer. And with that, Taeil could be satisfied. 


	7. that one time two kids started dating within a week of meeting

It was yet another lunch period, and Taeil was so proud to say that he could go and sit with his friends; no longer did he have to be alone. Being squished at these tiny tables, between Ten and Johnny, it was still a joy to have social interaction that was just so easy. Maybe it wasn't easy, though, when Johnny had his big arm wrapped around Taeil's waist. He felt so tiny, in the best way possible, and couldn't help but be shy around the man he wished he saw as just a friend. 

"Hey Taeil," Johnny spoke, smiling down at his roommate. 

"H-hey," Taeil stuttered back. What was it about Johnny? Why did he make Taeil feel so strange? Taeil had a guess of what he thought that feeling was, but he didn't want to admit it, even to himself. 

"How's choir going?" Even that simple question was enough to make Taeil a flustered mess, the idea that anyone cared enough about Taeil's life to ask about it, let alone a guy as cool as Johnny, was still amazing to him. But despite his distraction, Taeil still needed to answer the question. 

"It's...it's going really well, actually," Taeil admitted. "The people are really nice and think I have a nice voice. It's so different from high school choir." 

"I'm really glad," Johnny answered with a soft grin. "I'm proud of you, you know?"

Taeil was choking on his words and doing his best to formulate a response when Yuta groaned from where he sat, across from Ten. 

"I can't believe we've been here a fucking week and a half and I'm already sick of the goddamn food," he complained. "I mean, I know it's not easy making massive servings, but there's gotta be something better than this." 

"I would say he's being a crybaby, but Yuta's kind of got a point," Ten responded. 

"There's always too much mayo," Winwin mumbled softly. 

"I wish there was something we could do, but going out to eat every meal would be too expensive," Taeyong spoke. 

"I would kill for a kitchen," Doyoung added. Everyone muttered their agreements with him. 

"I can't really cook for shit, but at least I could make noodles or something," Jaehyun said. 

"Honestly, a kitchen would be so nice," Kun spoke. "I love to cook, it's really my only hobby. I miss cooking so much." 

"You are a really good cook," Johnny spoke. 

"Yeah, your breakfast for all of us in Seoul was delicious," Taeyong added. 

"Aw guys, you don't have to be so nice," Kun spoke. 

"We're serious!" Ten whined. "You know you get roped into cooking with all the grandmas at every family event." 

"Maybe you should be glad we don't have a kitchen. We would make you cook for us all the time," Doyoung said. 

"I honestly don't think I'd mind it so much," Kun admitted. 

"You'd definitely be territorial over that kitchen though," Yuta piped up. 

"You would kill us if we so uch as left a single dish out," Sicheng added. 

"Exactly," Kun answered. The conversation continued, but as Taeil turned his head, he completely tuned it out. Hyungil was walking by, and even though Taeil's friends seemed annoyed, they still waved hello out of politeness. Taeil didn't join them though, simply watching his twin brother to see how he was doing. While Taeil was realizing he was oblivious to some things, he could read his brother like a book, even without talking to him. 

Hyungil ignored Taeil and his friends, walking by quickly with a small group of his own friends. But this group looked nothing like Hyungil's group in high school: it was tiny, there was only one girl with them, and instead of being the obvious leader Hyungil hung out towards the back. This group looked annoyed to be with him, rather than Hyungil's old high school friends, who looked honored to simply be in his presence. 

"Hey guys!" Hyungil called, and they all turned to him with deadpan expressions. One even rolled his eyes. "Wanna hear a joke?" He was met with silence from his friends, except for a slight nod. "How many guys does it take to open a beer? None, it should be open by the time she brings it to you." Taeil made a face; he was used to Hyungil's stupid sexist jokes, but he pitied Hyungil's friends; no one else should have to go through what he did.

All of Hyungil's friends simply ignored the joke, immediately turning back around and walking. A couple just groaned, and only one chuckled out of politeness. Hyungil winced and looked at the ground sheepishly.

As they walked away, Taeil couldn't help but think about how far his brother had fallen; from his days of high school glory to the reality of his life in university. It was a bit satisfying, but Taeil wasn't too happy. He didn't relish in other people's failures the way his brother did. Simpl, he wanted his brother to learn from his mistakes, and live a good, happy life in a way that didn't hurt other people. Taeil shook his head; he knew for a fact that he spent way too much thinking about his twin. Instead, he should be thinking about the new, wonderful life he'd created at university for himself. 

He mentally tuned back into the conversation his friends were having at the lunch table, but at that point everyone had begun conversations without him. So, Taeil figured he would use what skill he'd learned best from being lonely all those years: eavesdropping on other people's conversations. Ten and Yuta were leaning across the table, whispering to each other, and it made Taeil beyond curious. After all, Ten always seemed to act weird around Taeil, maybe they were talking about him. 

"Ten, seriously, I need your help with him!" Yuta whispered emphatically. 

"What the hell do you need help on?"

Yuta's whisper dropped even lower. "I want to date him, but all we do is fuck." 

Ten's jaw dropped and he pulled back. "You're fucking my cousin?" He mouthed angrily before Yuta pulled him back close so nobody else could hear (well, other than Taeil, but he was an eavesdropping expert). Ten shook his head with disappointment. "You dirty, dirty man," he mumbled. "Sicheng is an innocent baby, and you've corrupted him." 

Taeil was shook, to be entirely honest. Sicheng really did seem like an innocent baby, not to mention the fact that this information meant there were two more confirmed gays in their suite. First Taeyong and Ten, now Yuta and Sicheng...it was a lot to think about. But Taeil didn't have time then; he wanted to hear more of this gossip. 

"I have not corrupted him!" Yuta growled with wide eyes, looking side to side. "He's crazy. He's never fucking satisfied. He puts on this sweet act in public, but as soon as we're alone...he jumps me, he gets what he wants." 

Ten stared back at him slack jawed. "That's...that's sacrilege..." he mumbled, still shocked. 

"It's not! This is all true, I swear," Yuta whined under his breath. "Literally on the second day I got in the shower and he just jumped in with me and started suc-"

"Yuta, I really don't wanna hear about my cousin's sex life anymore," Ten whispered tiredly. 

"But I need your help! I don't wanna just be friends with benefits, and nobody here knows him better than you." 

Ten was about to respond, with Taeil listening closely, but a new arrival stopped all conversation. 

Jungwoo and Yukhei finally showed up, squeezing into the two seats across from Taeil. They kept looking over at each other and giggling like idiots. They couldn't really look their friends in the eye, and despite the warm early fall weather, Jungwoo was wearing a scarf. 

"So, you two," Ten spoke with a gleam in his eye. "What gives?"

The two boys shared a look and giggled loudly. Jungwoo's cheeks turned pinker than they already were, and Yukhei placed his giant hands over his neck. 

"The fuck are you two on?" Doyoung asked. 

"Yeah, what is up with you guys?" Kun added. Yukhei moved his hand to brush his hair out of his face, and Ten began to smirk. 

"What's that on your neck?" Ten asked. Yukhei looked panicked and immediately moved his hand back. 

"Uh, n-nothing," Yukhei stuttered. 

"Was that a hickey?" Jaehyun mumbled. 

"N-no!" Yukhei cried, Jungwoo staring pointedly at his lunch tray. 

"Come on, I think we all know by now," Taeyong said. 

"I-I don't know what you guys are talking about," Jungwoo responded. But immediately after he finished speaking, the other boys lunged at them, tearing away their hands and Jungwoo's scarf until their hickies were visible to the entire cafeteria. 

Even though everyone laughed they were still surprised, mostly at just how many they both had. Jungwoo buried his face Yukhei's shoulder, and Yukhei looked shyly at the ground, still smiling. Once his friend's screaming ceased, Yukhei spoke up. 

"We had to make up for not kissing in seven minutes in heaven, okay?" Yukhei whined. Everyone looked around awkwardly. 

"Are you two, like, together?" Jaehyun finally spoke up. 

Yukhei and Jungwoo looked at each other, smiled, then turned back to the others. "Yeah, we are," Yukhei proudly answered. 

Everyone grinned back at them, squealing and screaming in excitement when Taeyong finally interrupted the freak out session. 

"Wait...didn't you two meet when we all got here like...a week and a half ago?" 

"Well...yeah," Jungwoo admitted. Everyone began to scream again, simply at the idea that two people could date after not even knowing the other existed less than two weeks prior. 

"Honestly, I couldn't care less, it's just funny," Taeyong added.

"I can't judge either, I was in an internet relationship for all of my teen years," Ten said. 

"Well, I can judge," Kun piped up. "And it's weird! You two barely know each other." 

"Come on, it's a little bit cute," Jaehyun responded. 

"Love at first sight," Yuta added, and Doyoung made a gagging noise. 

"Love at first sight isn't real," Sicheng mumbled, and Taeil pretended not to notice Yuta's face fall. 

"How old are you guys? We're young! It doesn't matter all that much how long you've known someone, if you like them, you like them, and you shouldn't hold back in going for it," Johnny spoke. He gave Taeil a brief look at the end of his little monologue, and Taeil tried his best to not make anything more of it than it actually was. 

Like Ten and Taeyong, Taeil didn't care about their relationship itself, it just gave Taeil a ton to think about. 

First Taeyong and Ten, then Yuta and Sicheng, now Jungwoo and Yukhei, it was really looking like Taeil ended up in the gay dorm. But Taeil loved and adored his new friends and he would never judge or abadon them because of this. He was always surprised when he found about his friend's sexualities, but it never really changed his opinion of them, after all, their dating lives didn't really affect him. 

But if he could accept his friends, why couldn't he accept himself? Maybe he could debate whether or not he was actually gay, but it was impossible to deny that he had feelings for Johnny. He could say his situation with his family was different, that's why he couldn't let himself have this crush, but he was sure not all of his new friends would have accepting families either. Anyways, the opinions of his family shouldn't affect him at all because he knows they're shit. The opinions he values the most are those of his friends, and he knows they would always accept him. So why not accept himself? Obviously there was no way Johnny would ever like him. But he wouldn't have to tell anyone about his little crush, and maybe he could get some peace of mind. 

Just then the boys all realized how late it was, clearing their trays and hurrying to class. Taeil started on his way alone, feeling the weight leave as he let himself just like Johnny, when he felt a light tap on his back. He turned around to see Ten smiling at him. 

"Hey! Where are you headed?"

"Unitopia building," Taeil answered. 

"Me too!" Taeil smiled, it was always nice to not be alone. Ten grinned back at Taeil, but somehow, it seemed a bit sinister. Ten was extremely mischevious, so Taeil knew something was about to happen. 

"So," Ten started with a lift of his eyebrow. "What's going on with you and Johnny?"

Immediately, Taeil's feet froze, his eyes going wide. Clearly Ten had been teasing, he hadn't meant any harm, but Taeil thought he'd been more discreet. He cheeks flushed red but he shook his head, walking toward class again. Ten watched him worriedly. 

"W-well, u-um, so, uh, there's...there's really nothing," Taeil managed to speak. 

Ten scoffed. "I really don't think there's 'nothing going on'. It's obvious."

"It is?" Taeil cried. 

"No Taeil, I mean, just to me," Ten answered, attempting damage control. "I'm the king of gossip. I can always sense those things." 

"Okay," Taeil answered slowly. "B-but...there really is nothing. We're not seeing each other or anything." 

Ten sighed and looked down. "I'm sorry for prying. I was honestly just teasing but you seem really uncomfortable, so I'm sorry. I'll stop." 

"I-it's okay," Taeil stuttered, brushing his hair out of his eyes. Honestly , it wasn't okay, Taeil was not ready to talk about it, especially after he just admitted he had feelings for Johnny that day. But he wasn't sure what else to say. 

"Are you..." Ten started, his voice much softer. "not out?" 

Taeil sighed and shook his head. "I-I don't even know if I-I'm..." he sighed again. 

"I'm...I'm really sorry then. I thought since lately you've been so much more confident, and, well, I got the vibe, I guess I thought it was kind of implied." 

Taeil shook his head. "Yeah, I'm...I still have to think about it." 

Ten nodded and they walked awkwardly in silence, not quite sure what to say any more. Taeil was still shaking a little; he definitely wasn't ready for this conversation. But it wasn't the absolute worst situation: Ten seemed extremely guilty; since he was gay himself he knew better than to out someone before they were ready to come out. Plus, Taeil felt a tad bit relieved that he didn't have to keep his feelings bottled up any more, at least to one person. 

"Do you..." Ten finally started again slowly, trying to ease the awkward silence. 

"Yes, okay, fine, I like Johnny, alright?" Taeil breathed out aggressively. Ten began to laugh, and Taeil gave him a confused and upset look. 

"That wasn't what I was asking," Ten explained with a giggle. Taeil winced and blushed, chuckling a little at himself. 

"Oh," Taeil spoke shyly. 

"I'm glad you trust me though," Ten said. 

"Well as of right now you know more about my feelings than anyone else, so telling you that wasn't much more of a stretch." 

"Hm...alright, I'll take it." 

"But like I said, there's nothing going on between us. I just like him. We haven't done anything." 

"What about that kiss during seven minutes in heaven?"

"Well that wasn't either of our faults!" 

"You know, you didn't have to kiss in there," Ten said with a sly smile. 

"W-well...u-uhm," Taeil stammered awkwardly, there really was no explanation for their kiss in that closet. 

"Exactly," Ten answered. 

"Wait, aren't you his best friend though? You would know if he liked me, and you haven't mentioned anything."

"Ah ah ah," Ten started. "I am not getting involved in this. You two have to figure this out for yourselves."

"Weren't you the one who wanted to know what was going on between us?" Taeil questioned. 

"I'm a gossip, okay?" Ten whined. "I always like to know everybody and what's going on in their love lives. My romance was trapped in the internet for so long that I had to live through other people to feel less lonely. Still, I wanna know about you and Johnny, but I'm going to interfere in any way, good or bad. But that means I won't tell Johnny about your feelings. He may be my best friend, but your secret is safe with me."

"It better be. Johnny is my roommate, he can't know. I don't want things to be awkward." Taeil, though, honestly wasn't worried. He was surprised at how easy it was to talk about his crush with Ten. Maybe, admitting everything to Ten was a good idea. 

"Of course. I promise I'll keep my mouth shut, for once," Ten answered with a glint in his eye that Taeil couldn't read. 

"Honestly, it's just a silly crush though," Taeil spoke with a sigh. "It's whatevs." 

Ten looked at him seriously and shook his head. "Clearly it's not whatevs. This is a big deal for you, you're dealing with feelings you've never felt before. Not to mention that judging by your brother, your family hasn't exactly made it seem like being gay is a good thing. Let yourself feel your feelings." 

Taeil slowly grinned. "Thanks for being so understanding, Tennie." 

The thai boy grinned. "Always." 

"If you ever need to talk about your problems...I'm here too." 

"I think the dramatic part of my life is over, but if I ever need anything, I'll definitely take you up on that offer. And keep me updated on you and Johnny's relationship, alright?" 

"Sure," Taeil answered with a chuckle. Finally, they reached the building where their classes were held. 

"What floor is your class on?" Ten asked. 

"Third." 

"Well, I'm down here," Ten responded with a wave. 

"See you around!" Taeil called, waiting by the elevator as Ten ducked into his class. Honestly, it had been a crazy lunch period, and Taeil had a lot to think about. But all of this drama and weirdness was worth it: having friends, and great ones at that, was a blessing worth a lot of suffering. 


	8. that one time Taeil felt truly alone

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oh my god...I can't believe it's been over a month since I posted a new chapter. I am so, so sorry y'all. I really have been busy but I'll try my best to go back to the once a week or so chapter updates that I did when I first started this story :( hope yall enjoy it!

"As you all know, we have our competition this Saturday! So we have six more days to prepare," the student choir director spoke to the group. It was almost the end of pratice and his nerves were buzzing; it was Taeil's first time participating in a university level choir competition. "All the solos and duets have already been given out," the director continued, "But our group songs have some small sections perfect for mini solos. Today, I'm going to give those out." The auditorium fell silent except for the sounds of people muttering quietly to their friends under their breaths. "Here it goes," the choir director said, and he began to list off names and song sections from a paper on his clipboard. There weren't many surprises; the people listed had some of the best voices on choir but for one reason or another didn't get a solo or a duet. 

"And finally...Moon Taeil!" 

Around him, the room seemed to fall completely still. He couldn't believe it; had Taeil misheard? No, everyone was looking at him. Taeil shook his head a little, concentrating enough to be able to write down his song name and section, but he was still not functioning properly. Was it a joke? Was it a trick? Mayb he was just randomly chosen because they ran out of good singers. 

The director dismissed choir for the day and with his mouth still slightly agape, Taeil turned to the guy sitting next to him. 

"Excuse me, I know this is a stupid question, but...did they actually call my name?" Taeil asked. 

The boy next to him chuckled, but it was friendly. "Of course. I mean, I think everyone already knew you'd get one."

Taeil's eyes widened. "Seriously?"

"Yeah. I mean...you're good." The guy hitched his backpack over his shoulders. "Alright, I gotta go to class. See you around!" He walked out of the door, and Taeil was too surprised to even wave goodbye. 

"Hey Taeil, can we talk to you?" The choir leader called. 

"S-sure," Taeil answered. They were going to tell him now that it was all a joke or a mistake, he was sure. 

"Taeil, is everything alright?" One of the student choir leaders asked. 

"Y-yeah," he stuttered back. 

"It's just, I promise we would've given you a full solo if you weren't a freshman, it's really unfair but sometimes seniority trumps actual talent and the higher-ups would've thrown a fit, this was the most we could give you. We're really sorry." 

"Wait, what?" Did...did they think he was disappointed? "I'm not upset, I promise. I'm just really shocked I got a solo at all! I really wasn't expecting it." 

Both choir directors visibly breathed a sigh of relief. "I'm glad you're not disappointed," the girl director spoke. "But you shouldn't be so surprised. You definitely work harder than anyone else, not to mention that voice." 

"You guys are too nice," Taeil said. 

"Nah," the guy director answered. "We're just being truthful." 

Taeil smiled shyly down at the ground; he'd never been complimented this much, especially by people he so respected. 

"Thank you," Taeil spoke sincerely. 

"You're welcome," the girl answered. 

"Now, we've gotta clear out of the auditorium. Go practice hard!" 

"I will. Thank you guys again!" Taeil waved and ducked out of the room. 

Taeil was beyond happy at that point; he was elated. Yes, nerves bubbled up in his stomach at the idea of performing all by himself, even if it was just sixteen counts. But this is the first time he could show off a skill he'd been perfecting since he was in the sixth grade. He knew that self validation should not come from the outside world. But, maybe since other people thought he was talented, perhaps he could imagine himself as talented. Taeil practicaly skipped down the empty hallway, the smile neever leaving his face. He felt a little ridiculous, but hey, it was his first solo, right? He deserved to feel this way. 

Maybe, just maybe...Taeil's parent's would actually come to the choir competition. They had never actually heard Taeil sing, butt it really hadn't mattered before, since he was placed in the back and you could barely hear his voice. They always showed up to Hyungil's sports games, so they had the time. Come to think of it, he'd invited Hyungil too. Taeil had gone to enough of Hyungil's games in his life; maybe Hyungil would actually show up for him. Normally Taeil would say that would be impossible, but Hyungil seemed to be kind of a loser here at uni. Maybe he'd have nothing better to do. 

"Hey Taeil!" Speak of the devil... there Hyungil was, entering the same building Taeil was leaving, calling his name. Taeil's suspicions were confirmed; Hyungil had definitely become a loser: in high school, Hyungil would pretend they weren't even related. But Taeil couldn't be too annoyed or upset, he was still excited from getting his small solo. 

"Hey!" Taeil responded. 

"Where are you headed?"

"Oh, back to the dorm, I guess." 

"Are you done for the day?"

Taeil nodded. "Yeah, just finished choir practice."

"Oh yeah. I saw a sign for a competition Saturday. Are you gonna be in that?" 

"Yeah, of course."

"Standing in the back like usual?"

Taeil rolled his eyes, but even his brother's mean comments couldn't kill his happy mood. "No, actually, I have a small solo. You know...you should come," Taeil said, turning a little shy. 

"Dude, I totally would, but I have a game that day." Taeil nodded slowly in understanding. Hyungil didn't get into any of the school run sports teams, but he was in an intramural football club. Taeil knew Hyungil was telling the truth. Anyways, he cared much more about his parents coming. He had to prove his own talent and worth, outside of his brother, and this choir event seemed like the best way to do it. 

"That's alright," Taeil answered sincerely. 

"Alright, I got class, so I gotta go." 

Taeil smiled. "Okay! See you around." They waved and went their separate ways. As Taeil walked up the stairs back to the dorm, he smiled to himself. That was the most pleasant interaction he'd had with his twin in a long time, and it felt so good to think maybe his brother was finally changing for the better. Yes, the snide comments were still there, but they were becoming fewer and further between. Taeil didn't exactly want to be Hyungil's friend, but maybe they could be truly civil, and perhaps one day, Taeil could receive the apology he'd always deserved. 

Finally he reached the dorm, throwing his things onto his bed. Immediately he reached for his phone, flopping on his desk chair and dialing his home phone. He was bouncing in his seat, his fingers trembling. 

"Hello?" His father answered after two rings.

"Hi! It's me." 

"Oh, Taeil, hey. What's up?" Taeil was too overjoyed to notice his father's disinterest. 

"Is mom there?"

His father sighed. "I'll go get her." 

"I wanna talk to you guys together." 

"Alright." There was a slight pause, a muffled conversation, and a click of a button as Taeil's dad turned the phone on speaker. 

"Taeil," His mom spoke, seeming almost annoyed by his call. But Taeil brushed it off as her being busy. 

"Sorry to bother you guys. How's everything at home?" 

"Same as always," his mother answered. 

"Now, um...why'd you call?" His dad asked. Taeil grimaced; they must have been confused because he almost never called. But it was only because they seemed to disinterested when he did call, and he did call a lot that first week. 

"So...I'm in choir here at school, right? And we're having a competition this Saturday, and..." His voice became quieter. "I was wondering if you guys wanted to come." 

There was a long pause. "Aren't you just going to be in the back again?" His dad asked. 

"Nope!" Taeil answered with a proud smile, even though his parents couldn't see it. "I'm in the second row, and I even have a little solo! It's not much, but it's something." 

"Doesn't Hyungil have a game that day?" Taeil's mother piped up. His heart immediately began to sink; he knew what was coming next. 

"I mean, yeah. Did he ask you guys to come yet?"

"No, but we keep track of his schedule," his mom answered. 

"We have to support Hyungil at his game. We can't come, I'm sorry," his father spoke. 

Taeil took a deep breath. Part of him already felt defeated, he knew he couldn't change their minds. But God, he was so fucking desperate to make them proud, just once. 

"B-but," he protested, "I-I actually have a solo! A-and it's a really big deal, if we win the competition we might go to regionals!" Taeil knew that Hyungil's game didn't mean nearly as much, it was just a friendly match between two clubs. But Taeil couldn't say this or his parents would turn on him even more. 

"Taeil, we just can't. It means so much to your brother," she said. 

"It means a lot to me too!" Taeil cried, silencing both of his parents. He sighed. "I'm sorry. It's just...you've never come to any event I've had. And I didn't care before, I was just in the back, but now I actually get to shine a little. Please. It would mean so much to me." 

He was met with a long pause. "I'm sorry," his father said after what felt like the longest moment of his life. "We can't come." 

Taeil took a deep breath, forcing his emotions down until he could get off the phone. This was it. He'd done all he could, but they weren't going. There was nothing he could do now.

"Alright," Taeil responded, schooling his voice into robotic calmness. "That's okay." 

"Good," his father answered. 

"Alright, well, we've got to go," his mother added. "Goodbye." 

"Goodbye," Taeil responded, hanging up as soon as his fingers would allow. He put his phone face down as far away from him as possible. He put his head on the desk and wrapped his arms around his face. 

He should have known. He should have known that his parents would never come to something of his, no matter how important it was to him. Taeil had a feeling that even if Hyungil's game hadn't been on the day of the competition, his parents would have found some excuse to get out of coming. Taeil sniffled, wiping a few tears from his eyes. Even though he was alone, he was beyond embarrassed. He just should have fucking known. 

Despite everything his parents had done to him, Taeil still wanted them to be proud of him. Just once he wanted them to look at him with half the amount of love and admiration they look at Hyungil with. But how was he supposed to make them proud when they wouldn't even give him the opportunity? They just seemed to miss or ignore every time he did well. 

Taeil groaned, wiping more tears off of his cheeks. It was his fault for getting his hopes up at all. If he'd just accpted the fact that none of his family would show up, he could have kept up that good mood he was in before. He had just made things so much worse for himself. 

He sat up, leaning back in his chair and rubbing his eyes for the last time. This was pathetic. He'd always done choir events alone, nobody had ever showed up for him before. Why should this be any different? Why should he let himself care? Thinking about how excited he'd been, he was humiliated. It was barely a solo, barely a big deal, barely anything. He'd even let Hyungil see him that way, which would no doubt become material for teasing in the future. Anyways, he didn't have time for this emotional breakdown. He had so much work to do for his classes, and this late afternoon was the perfect time to catch up. 

Even though his head wasn't in the right place, Taeil managed to get some work done when Johnny came back from class. Taeil barely had the energy to greet him, hunched over his desk uncomfortably. Even though Johnny would have no idea, and the redness in Taeil's eyes had faded an hour ago, he was still embarrassed about how upset he'd been earlier. 

"How were your classes?" Johnny asked as he unloaded his backpack, wearing his usual joyful attitude. 

"Oh, fine. And yours?" Despite Taeil's dismal mood, he tried to match Johnny's positivity. He didn't want the American thinking anything was off. 

"Pretty good," Johnny responded." As Taeil stared down at his homework, Johnny gave him a long, concerned look. But Taeil didn't notice, and Johnny didn't pry. 

Johnny fell silent, still clearing out his backpack when he made a soft noise at a piece of paper. "Hey Taeil," he spoke, looking up. 

"Mmh?"

"I saw this sign hanging up in the cafeteria. Are you gonna be in it?" Taeil turned to look at his roommate for the first time that afternoon, and for just a moment he was distracted by how utterly handsome he looked. He never understood how his roommate could make a cheap t-shirt and jeans look so expensive. But immediately after, he noticed what was on the paper in his hands: to his chagrin, it was the flyer for the damn choir competition. Taeil held back a deep sigh; he did not want to talk about it. 

"Yeah," Taeil admitted defeatedly. 

"Oh." Johnny gave Taeil a confused look. "It's on Saturday, right?"

"Uh-huh," Taeil answered, returning to his work. 

Johnny looked down at the flyer, then back up at Taeil. "Are you sure you're alright?"

"Y-yeah, yeah, of course," Taeil stuttered. He felt incredibly guilty; Johnny was just being nice, and Taeil was being so rude. But he couldn't shake the terrible, empty feeling that had settled in his stomach after that call with his parents. Even though he didn't like it, it was hard to stop this feeling from affecting Taeil on the oustide. 

"I stole this from the bulletin for you. I had a feeling you'd be in it, so I wanted to get you a souvenier." 

"Thanks," Taeil said softly as Johnny passed him the piece of paper. Taeil carefully flattened and folded it before tucking it in the corner of his desk. In that moment, he couldn't bear to look at it. 

"Did they put you in the back or something?" Johnny asked, his voice a pitch quieter. 

"No, not this time..." 

Johnny chuckled with relief. "Oh thank god. I would've rioted if they had. You've got such an amazing voice; I'm glad they're using it. And don't say I haven't heard your voice before; you were singing so loud in the shower the other day that I could hear it from our room." 

Taeil flushed and chuckled. He was embarrassed, but at least he was laughing. How did Johnny always manage to cheer him up when he was down? 

"Don't worry, I liked what I heard. Your voice is beautiful." Taeil blushed and shook his head, avoiding the intense eye contact Johnny was trying to make. Johnny had the power to always cheer him up, but he also had the power to always make him feel shy. "So, what'd they give you? A solo? Duet?" 

"A solo. But it's just a little bit of a song, it's not a big deal, it's nothing." Of course it wasn't nothing, and it was a big deal to Taeil, but his family hadn't treated it like a big deal, they'd treated it like it was meaningless. So as quickly as it had gone, Taeil's sad, empty mood came back. Johnny seemed to notice Taeil's bad mood come back, and his face fell. 

"It's not nothing. I'm really proud, but I mean, you deserve it." 

"I guess." 

Taeil watched as Johnny made faces at himself, seemingly trying to articulate his words. Johnny seemed upset, struggling, something Taeil almost never saw from him. 

"Do...do you not want me to come?"

At that, Taeil outright laughed. "You actually want to come?"

Johnny looked at him so earnestly. "Of course. I mean, I heard you in the shower, but I wanna hear you for real. And I want to be there to support you." 

Johnny's words went in one ear and out the other. Taeil couldn't believe Johnny wanted to go, especially since his family hadn't. His brain was convinced that Johnny was just saying this to make him feel better; that he was playing a trick. 

"I mean, I guess you can come, if you really want." 

"I do want to. But only if you feel comfortable with me going." 

"If you want to come, then come." Taeil didn't know quite how to react to this; after everything that had happened he was emotionally fried. He wasn't going to tell Johnny not to come, but he still couldn't believe his roommate slash crush was being honest. 

Johnny smiled. "Then I'll be there." 

Taeil held back a sad chuckle and shrugged. Johnny watched him carefully, and Taeil could feel him trying to read his bad mood. But Taeil wasn't going to talk about it; he was sick and tired of his emotions getting played with and just fucking talking about this damn competition. He just wanted this day to be over. In fact, he wanted this whole competition to be over. He was just going to fuck it up, wish he hadn't had a solo in the first place. But luckily, he believed that no one would be there to see it. 


	9. that one time Johnny made Taeil feel like someone cared about him

It was here, the event Taeil had been so dreading for days at that point. He was standing backstage, wearing his nice jeans and the blazer he'd bought just in case when he was a sophomore in high school, too nervous and depressed to even bemoan the fact that it still fit him three years later. The whole of their choir was circled up, with the directors standing in the center, leading the whole group in vocal warmups. Their turn on stage for the competition was in about ten minutes, and Taeil could not have been less excited. 

Defeat had already settled in his stomach. When the whole group had come off the bus, everyone dispersed to go say hello to their friends and family in the audience. Taeil hadn't even bothered to look; he didn't want anyone to notice him searching for faces he knew wouldn't be there. Instead, he'd taken an extended bathroom break, allowing himself to wallow in pity for the moment until the rest of the team came back.

 He was going to ruin everything; he would definitely fuck up his solo and prevent the team from going to regionals. At least no one would be there to see him do it, but he wasn't excited to have his whole choir team turn on him too. They seemed to like him, for whatever reason, but Taeil figured that would change fairly easily. 

There was just...no reason for him to be there. He didn't serve a purpose on the team, and nobody wanted to see him either. He'd never felt more useless. 

Warm ups just ended, the choir directors had spoken some encouraging words, and now all they could do was wait. They were on next, crouched backstage, clutching each other's sweaty palms. Taeil should have been used to this, but he wasn't ready to fuck up. He wasn't ready. 

The choir team before theirs finished, and the guy standing next to Taeil smiled. 

"Good luck. You're going to be amazing, dude," he whispered.

Taeil didn't know what to say to that. "I don't know..."

"Seriously. Believe in yourself. We all heard you at rehearsals." 

"Um...good luck to you, too." 

And then the stage hand was beckoning them onto the stands and they were lining up in their rows, and Taeil couldn't stop his hands from trembling, how could he stop his voice from doing the same? Of course he was going to fuck up. And then the curtains were going up and the moms and dads cheered for their kids and Taeil's heart sank into his stomach until his world seemed to stop. 

There was Johnny, sitting in the third row, clearly searching the line up for Taeil's face. As soon as he saw Taeil his expression turned into that beautiful, sincere grin. All Taeil could do was gape at him. 

He came. He actually came. Taeil was in a state of complete shock. He really and truly hadn't believed Johnny would show up, even after saying he would, past experience had taught him not to believe such statements. But Johnny was here, here for him, and Taeil didn't know whether to laugh or cry with joy. He really chosen the perfect guy to be his crush. 

"Good luck," Johnny mouthed, a smile still on his lips. Slowly, Taeil managed a smile. 

Now he really had to do a good job. But he should've been even more nervous with Johnny here, but somehow, Taeil felt much better than before. It felt like even if he did mess up, at least one person out there wouldn't mind, wouldn't hate him for it. Like he had someone supporting him, for the first time in his life. 

And then, the music started, and Taeil began to sing. 

The first few seconds were pure torture, all of those faces looking at him do something so vulnerable like sing. He'd done this before but after all, he'd always been in the back, and he was pretty short in the first place. Truly, he had never been seen before this moment, and it was nothing less than terrifying. 

But soon enough his autopilot kicked in, and he just sang his little heart out. Johnny was out there, smiling at him, watching him willingly put himself on the line, and his choir teammates were next to him, singing along with him. Maybe...he was proud of himself. Maybe this would be okay. 

The first song ended and Taeil watched the crowd stand up for them, Johnny clapping loud with those giant hands of his, cheering loudly, a little bit embarrassing but Taeil couldn't stop himself from blushing and giggling. 

Time seemed to pass by in a blur. The group sang one more song, the soloists and duets sang, and Johnny smiled and cheered for every song, not bored in the slightest, and Taeil couldn't wipe the grin off of his face. It was going perfectly, better than he ever could have imagined. 

So as nervous as he was, it didn't destroy him when the song containing his short solo began to play. He sang along with the chorus part, taking deep breaths, his fingers shaking a little, but not enough to throw him off completely. It was his time, for the first time. 

Finally, the other voices died off, the music played loud, and the world fell silent as it was Taeil's turn to have his solo. Too nervous to look anywhere else he stared straight at Johnny, but the song quickly fell naturally from his lips. 

Basically he was on autopilot, he could barely hear himself sing at all, but he watched Johnny with all of his concentration. Johnny was smiling with encouragement, but once Taeil started to sing, his expression seemed to change. His eyes were wide, mouth slightly agape, and he refused to look away. Taeil knew it wasn't a negative reaction, but he still couldn't read it. 

Those sixteen counts finally finished, and Taeil stepped back into line, grinning in amazement at himself before joining the chorus again. He did it, he fucking did it, and from what he could tell, he hadn't fucked up, like, at all. He stared at the ground for a second, the shocked and happy smile still on his lips, before looking back to Johnny. His eyes seemed shy, somehow, wearing the littlest smile. And was he blushing? Taeil shook his head; it must have been the distance or the dark lighting. 

No time seemed to pass at all until the end of the competition, taking a bow with all of his choir mates and gracefully stepping backstage. But as soon as they were back there, all the grace seemed to fall away: letting out a collective scream, they all jumped up and down, tightly hugging each other. 

"We did it!" The normally quiet choir director yelled at the top of her lungs. 

A guy Taeil barely knew pulled him into a hug. "You were so fucking good! That solo was killer!"

"You too!" Taeil said back, his timidness seeming to fall away in the relief and elation of the moment. 

Everyone went around hugging everyone; it didn't matter who was and wasn't close friends. Every single person came and told Taeil how good he had done, and Taeil didn't think he'd ever recieved so much praise in his entire life. 

Once everyone was done packing up their things, parents and friends and siblings began to filter in to congratulate their loved ones. Taeil sat there anxiously, was Johnny just going to leave now? Was Johnny even there in the first place? Had he imagined his crush's presence in a fit of delirious nervousness? 

"Taeil," a deep voice spoke behind him. He whipped around to see that tall, perfect frame standing in front of him. Johnny had actually come, grinning from ear to ear, and Taeil returned the expression. 

"H-Hi Johnny," Taeil said, a bit shyly. "You actually came."

"Of course I did. Didn't I say I would?"

"Yeah," Taeil breathed out, unable to stop blushing and smiling and fidgeting and all around making a fool of himself next to his choir teammates. But that was what Johnny's presence always seemed to do to him; Taeil had to just accept it at that point. 

"Are you doing anything now?"

"No, why?"

"Do you wanna get coffee with me?"

Taeil breathed in a surprised breath. "I-I would love to." He swung his backpack over his shoulders and looked up at Johnny. 

"Follow me. I'll show you my favorite place." Johnny started walking and Taeil followed him, out of the building and onto the street, on the way out of campus. As soon as they were a distance away, Johnny turned to Taeil. 

"You were amazing, really. I knew you were good, but I had no idea you were that fucking good. I was so amazed. Especially your solo...it made me feel things." 

Taeil tried to not read too much into that last sentence and shook his head a little. "Ah, Johnny, it wasn't that good." 

"No. Taeil. It was. It was that good." 

Taeil flushed; he didn't know what to say. "W-well, thanks..."

Johnny grinned before making the most adorable little 'oh!' face, reaching into the inside pocket of his long coat and pulling out a single red rose. "Here. I didn't want to give it to you with all your choir people around, but after a recital, you always need flowers." 

Taeil had concentrate so hard on literally just walking with Johnny, utterly speechless as he took the rose with shaking hands. He repeated over and over again in his head that this was just a nice gesture, nothing romantic, that when you went to someone's show you had to bring flowers, it didn't mean anything. "Th-thank you," he managed to stutter out, gripping it tightly, noticing that all the thorns had been removed. 

"It's nothing," Johnny spoke with a grin. "Oh! Here we are." 

Taeil was still in a fog until they had finished ordering, not even mentally there enough to protest Johnny paying for him. It wasn't until they sat down and waited for their drinks that Taeil regained his wits. 

"Thank you for everything. For coming, for bringing me this, for...just for this." Taeil was never to good at articulating his words, especially around Johnny. 

"I told you I was gonna come, right? So I did. I really wanted to." 

"I didn't believe you at all until I actually saw you there in the crowd."

Johnny frowned. "Why would you think I would lie to you?"

Taeil began to shake his head, noticing Johnny was upset. "No no no. It wasn't about you. I just..." He sighed. "That day you asked to come was not a good day for me. I was feeling really bad about this whole competition thing." 

"What for?" Johnny asked, leaning in closer. He seemed concerned but at the same time clearly paying attention to what Taeil had to say. Just as Taeil took a deep sigh, about to speak, the buzzer for their coffees vibrated against the table. "Hold on, I'll go grab these, then tell me." Taeil nodded, watching Johnny's beautiful frame thank the barista and bring the tray to their seats. It was funny, comparing Taeil's barely, coffee, almost ice cream frappe thingie to Johnny's plain iced americano. Johnny took a sip of his drink and leaned back in, looking at Taeil intensely. "You really seemed upset that day. I didn't want to pry, but I was worried... what happened?" 

Taeil released a deep sigh. "So...I had originally asked my parents and my brother to come. But they both wouldn't come." 

"Why not?" Johnny responded, and Taeil was surprised to hear the slight anger in his tone. 

"Well, Hyungil had a game, which I get. My parents said they had to go to Hyungil's game though." 

"Isn't he not even on, like, a real team? Isn't his team just a club." 

Taeil nodded with defeat. "Exactly." 

Johnny released an aggressive sigh. "That's so fucked. Didn't you do choir in high school? Did they at least go those events?"

"I was in choir in high school, but they never came to see me then either. But I get that, I was always in the back, so I understand. What would've been the point in them coming then?" 

"The point would have been to support you in something you're passionate about. It shouldn't matter whether you were in the back or not." Taeil sighed and shrugged; Johnny was right, but it hurt to think his parents wouldn't do such simple things for him. "They never call you or anything, they-"

"Don't remind me," Taeil interrupted with a sad chuckle. 

"Well...they're full of bs. Really. Honestly, I think your parents are the ones losing out by treating you this way. They are missing out on getting to know how cool and amazing and talented their son is." Taeil blushed and looked down at his pants, and Johnny did the same. "At least I...at least I can get to know you like this. I'm...I'm really glad I came." Johnny's voice was so soft and quiet, looking up at Taeil. Taeil could feel his heart threatening to break through his chest, clutching the seat, sipping his drink like his life depended on it. 

"I'm really glad too," Taeil answered. He finally looked up too, the two sharing a brief moment of tense eye contact before Johnny shook his head a little and cleared his throat. 

"Anyways...it's so unfair how your parents treat you. I'm sorry you've had to put up with it for so long."

"It's alright. I'm used to it." 

"You shouldn't be," Johnny answered, his voice stronger. 

Taeil sighed, yet again. "I just...I know I shouldn't bother to invite them to these kinds of things. I already know that I'll get rejected, and it'll hurt much worse than before. But I wanted to make them proud, just one time, and I thought this was such a good opportunity. But how can I make them proud if they don't even give me the chance to show them?"

Johnny thought about his answer for a moment. "You shouldn't need opportunities like this to make your parents proud. If they were decent parents, they already would be."

Taeil's jaws dropped a little. "Oh..."

"You don't need to prove yourself more than you already have. You've gone above and beyond in being a good student, son, and person."

"You...that's...that's really true, I guess. I have worked really hard." 

"You have. You've accomplished so much. To any sane parent, you would be their biggest source of pride. Taeil: it's not your fault. Don't blame yourself for the way you've been treated." 

Taeil took the last sip of his drink, swallowing thickly. "I-I.."

"I mean it." 

He was speechless. "Okay," Taeil simply responded.

Johnny smiled at him, finishing off his americano. "Promise me you'll take this to heart, okay?" 

Taeil thought he would do just about anything Johnny asked. "I will. I promise." Johnny grinned all the way and stood up. 

"Ready?"

"Yup." Taeil brought the tray back to the counter and followed after Johnny, the two heading back to their dorm. 

"The coffee there was damn good, right?"

"I couldn't exactly taste the coffee in my drink, but it was definitely delicious." Johnny laughed loudly, reaching their dorm building quickly. That must have been why Johnny liked it so much, Taeil thought, it was so close by that Johnny could just run and grab it. Clutching his rose, they made their way back up to their room. As soon as they were inside, Johnny shut the door and stood in front of Taeil. 

"You were so good," he said gently. 

"You don't have to say it any more."

Johnny smiled softly. "But I want to." With that massive hand of his, he reached and rested his hand in the crook between Taeil's neck and shoulder, lightly rubbing the exposed skin. "Taeil...if you don't feel comfortable, you totally don't have to. But I don't like thinking about how you probably spent days stewing over how your parents didn't come. If you ever want to talk about anything with me, I'm here. I promise. I mean, even if you don't want to talk about it and just want a distraction, we can hang out and stuff...alright?"

It was really hard to concentrate with Johnny touching him so affectionately, and even harder to not get completely weak in the knees at Johnny's words. Johnny really was a great friend, wasn't he? Taeil didn't deserve him, didn't deserve his friendship or even to have a crush on him. Taeil could never make Johnny half as happy as Johnny made him. But this was okay, so much more than okay, in fact. Taeil was lucky that Johnny did want to be friends with him, if nothing more. He was so lucky. 

"Y-yeah," Taeil stuttered, looking down as Johnny's fingers caressed his sensitive neck. "I will." 

"Could I give you a hug?"

Taeil sucked in a big breath and looked up at Johnny, barely managing a nod before he was enveloped in Johnny's strong, muscular arms. Taeil released that breath with relief, feeling so utterly safe, his nerves seeming to fade away. Johnny was warm and big and strong around him and Taeil had to fight the urge to snuggle into him. 

"I'm here for you, alright?" 

Taeil nodded into his chest. "Alright." 

"And you'll be here for me too?"

"Of course," Taeil answered, barely above a whisper, trying for the millionth time to not read into it too much. They fell softly silent, their breaths syncing up in this bout of physical contact, the most Taeil had in so long.

"You're so small," Johnny finally mumbled, a teasing tone on his lips. 

"Hey!" Taeil whined, wiggling in Johnny's arms, not really wanting to escape all the way though. Johnny let him go, to his chagrin, but the laugh they shared definitely made up for it. 


	10. that one time taeil gave good advice

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay...um...I am so, so sorry. I've been incredibly busy lately, and I will continue to be so updates will probably be irregular for the rest of this story. But I'll try my best to update it frequently because I do love writing and writing this story! Thanks to everyone reading for sticking with it <3 I hope you enjoy!! PS you might wanna back read most of the story...I know I had to bc I forgot what was going on, lol

Taeil never thought lounging around in his pajamas with some friends all day could actually be fun. 

Yes, Taeil needed to study, as midterms were only a couple of weeks away, but reading each word inked on the pages within his textbook was a chore. So when Yuta had popped into his room, asking Taeil if he wanted to watch an anime Yuta had been raving about together, Taeil jumped at the chance for an escape. 

And it was so nice. 

Yuta and Taeil sat on the couch in the living room, Yuta's laptop propped on the table, watching quietly. Taeil didn't realize how close he actually was to Yuta until this moment. After all, they had English class together, but he didn't notice how much time they had actually spent together when something as simple as watching TV could be so comfortable. 

Having friends was nice. 

"Oh, I forgot to tell you how good you were in that performance," Yuta said offhandedly, interrupting the high pitched yelling on the screen. 

Taeil's eyes bulged practically out of his skull as he awkwardly turned toward his friend. "Wait, what?"

"Yeah, you were great in that choir thing." 

"H-how did you see that?" 

"Johnny put a video of it in the group chat." 

Taeil physically winced. He'd muted the dorm group chat after Ten and Taeyong had gotten all lovey dovey one time at three am. He must have forgotten to unmute it...but maybe that was for the best. He definitely didn't want to watch that video and ruin his good memories of the choir concert.

"Oh god..." Taeil mumbled. 

"Why?" Yuta whined. "It was really good." 

"I had the group chat muted so I didn't see him post it...ugh, I'm gonna kill him..." 

"Don't blame him, we were the ones who begged him to take a video. As soon as we heard about it we wanted to see." 

Taeil sighed and opened his phone, not even bothering to open the video and just scrolling through everyone's responses. 

And to his surprise...nobody had anything bad to say. In fact, every single of them had written something good. From Ten's all caps message littered with exclamation points to Kun's almost parental encouragement, to Winwin's sticker spam, it was all just so purely sweet. Taeil didn't to cry in front of Yuta but damn he was close. 

Taeil typed out a quick thank you in the gruop chat before turning back to Yuta. "Everyone's being so sweet."

"I mean, it was amazing. Nobody's exaggerating here. But you know, your friends are supposed to hype you up." 

"Well...it's not like I had any friends before this," Taeil responded quietly. 

Yuta grimaced and winced. "Oh...oof." He and Taeil shared a look and an awkward chuckle. "Um...I'll turn the show back on." Yuta pressed play, and Taeil leaned back on the couch. 

They only got through an episode when they were rudely interrupted by...a smell. 

Yuta made a face. "What the fuck is that?"

"Oh my god, make it stop." 

"We should probably figure out what that is..." They both got up, paused the show, sniffed the air, and immediately regretted it. 

"I think it's coming from that way," Yuta spoke between gags, pointing towards the D-E-F room. Quickly, they found the source of the scent: room D, where Lucas was inside, crouching down by the outlets and holding a jar with suspicious looking red liquid inside.

"Dude, what's that smell?" Yuta asked as he and Taeil stood outside his doorway. 

Yukhei sheepishly turned to them. "Hey guys! I was trying to make pasta for Jungwooo when he came back from his weekend trip home. But the sauce smells a bit off." 

"A bit?" Yuta said while making a face. 

"Where did you keep it?" Taeil asked. 

"On the shelf over there." Yukhei gestured to a shelf so tall only he could reach it, littered with old receipts and unidentifiable cans. 

"Did you, um, open the jar before?" 

"I mean yeah, of course." 

Yuta winced. "And you...left it on the shelf after you opened it?" Taeil asked. Yukhei nodded. 

"And...how long has it been since you opened it?"

"Only about two or three weeks." Yuta shuddered. 

"So you're telling me that you opened a jar and left it in your room, not a refridgerator, for multiple weeks?" Taeil asked.

"Of course! I mean, you don't refridgerate jars...right?" 

Yuta facepalmed, and Taeil released a deep sigh. "Um...no." 

"Once you open a jar you put it in the fridge!" Yuta interjected. "Have you ever cooked in your god damn life?"

Yukhei grimaced with embarrassment. "Uh...oops?" 

Taeil and Yuta sighed again. "Toss the pasta sauce out immediately and please spray the room with...something," Taeil said. 

"Oh, yeah, and you should probably just order a pizza for Jungwoo," Yuta added. 

Yukhei dejectedly nodded. "Alright." 

"Have fun, man. We've gotta get away from this smell," Yuta said. He and Taeil waved and went back to the living room, flopping down on the couch. 

"That boy..." Taeil spoke with a sigh. "Let's keep an eye on him if he ever attempts to cook again."

"Or, let's just make sure he never cooks at all." 

"Good plan," Taeil answered as Yuta put the show back on. 

It was another two episodes in when Yuta paused the show, again. But this time, it wasn't from anything going on outside the TV watching session in the living room. Taeil turned to Yuta and was surprised to see him fidgeting and staring down at his lap. He'd been concentrating so hard on following along with the show that Taeil hadn't noticed his shift in mood. Nervous Yuta was something Taeil had never seen before. 

"Hey, um, can I be honest with you?" 

Immediately Taeil began to panic, but he pursed his lips and tried not to let Yuta see it. "Sure, what's up?"

"To be honest, I didn't ask you to watch TV with me just so you could see my show. I mean, I, um, wanted you to see this show, but I, like, mostly wanted to ask you about something, but I'm kinda nervous, because it's kinda stupid..." 

Now Taeil was really freaking out. "Uh, g-go ahead." 

Yuta took a deep breath. "I like Sicheng. Like....I really like Sicheng." Taeil nodded slowly; he wasn't surprised that Yuta liked Sicheng, I mean, he kinda knew that already. He was a bit surprised that Yuta was telling him directly though. 

Taeil was trying to come up with a response when Yuta went off on a tangent. "Like...okay, I like him so much. He's hilarious, smart, so sweet, not to mention unbelievably beautiful, like greek god beautiful, and you think he's pretty now? He's somehow even prettier nak-" He sighed. "Well never mind. But he's perfect in every way and I just don't know what to do!" 

"What's going on exactly?" Taeil asked. 

"So...you know how in public he's all...quiet? He's still sweet, but he won't touch anyone and doesn't like to be touched at all, and he's almost...cold? When's it's just the two of us...he's nothing like that. As soon as we're alone he's just....insatiable. Runs off of the bed, locks the door, starts ripping my clothes off-"

"Yuta, I'll be honest, I don't really wanna hear about that."

Yuta shook his head. "Sorry. Well, and after....that, he's still different. He always holds onto my arm and gets our legs all tangled together, he won't stop giggling and smiling... even if we don't do anything, he's still like that. We will talk for hours at a time and not get bored. Once, Jaehyun went home for the weekend and Sicheng came to hang out in my room at, like, eight pm. We talked on my bed until literally six am the next morning. He's just so different in private." Yuta finally looked up at Taeil. "See, that's the issue. If he were like that with me all the time, I wouldn't hesitate to ask him out already. Hell, I would've done it during the first week we all met and we would've started dating quicker than Yukhei and Jungwoo. But, I can't be sure. If he liked me, wouldn't he be affectionate with me all the time? Like, what if he's embarrassed of me in public and just wants me for sex? But...that's hard to believe too. He's told me so much stuff that he's never told anyone else before, and I have too. I'm just...confused. I'm so confused."

Taeil sighed deeply. He was trying to be good friend and listen to Yuta's problems, but he was confused too. "Yuta....I don't want to come off as rude or anything...but like...why are you asking me about this? I've never been in a relationship, and I'm just-"

Yuta sighed back, interrupted Taeil and looking at him with a soft expression. "Taeil, you're one of my closest friends. Of course I'd ask you about this stuff, it doesn't matter if you actually have experience or not. To be honest, the only other person I've asked about this was Ten, and that's because I thought he'd have some advice since he's Sicheng's cousin and all." 

Taeil was shocked. Yuta not only considered Taeil a friend, but a close friend as well. Taeil was just starting to get used to the idea of friends at all, but to be close with someone, close enough for them to ask you about something so deeply personal? Taeil couldn't help the little smile that bloomed on his lips. 

"W-wait...I'm one of your closest friends?"

"I mean...yeah..." Yuta responded, and Taeil panicked when he noticed the brief look of disappointment that dashed across his face. 

"No no no! I mean...I didn't mean that like that. You're one of my closest friends too, to be honest. I'm just...not used to being anybody's closest friend." 

Yuta immediately smiled back at him. "Dude, of course you are. I trust you a lot, I mean, that's why I'm telling you all of this." 

Taeil slowly smiled back, feeling his heart bloom in his chest. To be trusted and cared about by someone, even just on a platonic level, especially on a platonic level, felt so amazing. And Taeil wasn't lying when he said that Yuta was one of his closest friends too. 

"I feel so honored," Taeil answered, putting his hand on his heart. "I'm really just glad to have a friend like you." 

"Me too. You're so...sane." 

The two of them laughed at that before Yuta shook his head. "Anyways." 

"Oh, yeah, Sicheng. You wanted my advice..." Taeil spoke, running over everything Yuta told him in his head. "I mean, what do you think would happen if he said no? Do you think you could still be friends? Would you wanna still be friends?" 

Yuta sighed. "To be honest...that's a hard one to answer. Because if he wasn't interested in me like that...I'd get it, but in a way I'd feel used, you know? Like if he wanted to just be friends with benefits he should've told me at the start." 

Taeil hummed and nodded, thinking things through, then softly sighed. "Okay, I'm gonna remind you before I give you this advice that I'm...like, completely inexperienced. I've never dated or come close or anything, I've barely liked that many people, and like, I've never even been kissed. So you should be...tentative about my advice." 

"Like I said, dude, I trust you. Tell me what you think." 

"Well, to be honest...I think you should go for it."

Yuta smiled. "Really?"

"Yeah," Taeil answered with a nod. "I may not have lots of experience but I do know a bit about the way people behave. And like, all the reasons you listed for Sicheng not wanting to be so friendly in public may be true, but there may be other reasons too. He may just be shy about PDA or just shy in general. Like...that kind of thing." 

"That's true, he has talked about getting really shy before." 

"Mostly though, I think you should see where he stands for your own sake. The more time you spend with him without knowing where he stands, the more your going to get more worried about his coolness in public, and the more you're just going to fall for him. If he likes you back, then great, you can put a rest to all this worrying and go out with him. If he doesn't, then you know what kind of person he really is. You can cut off your feelings before they get any deeper. You're not sharing a room, so you can avoid each other if things are super awkward, and it's early enough that you'd even have time to salvage a friendship. So, you shouldn't put it off any longer. Anyways," Taeil said with a smile. "You two would make such a cute couple." 

Yuta was beaming at this point. "You really think so?"

"Mmh-hmm." 

"Okay then. I'll trust you and ask him as soon as possible." 

"Really?" Taeil asked with surprise. 

Yuta nodded. "I think you're right. Everything you said made sense, like finding out now before feelings get too deep, if he doesn't like me back. I mean," Yuta interrupted himself with a sad chuckle. "They're pretty deep now, but I could save myself a bit..."

Just then, the click of the lock made both Taeil and Yuta close their mouths and turn towards the front door. In walked the man himself, Sicheng wear black jeans and a small smile. Taeil looked over and saw Yuta do a little sigh of affection, his mouth upturned in that healing smile of his. The poor boy was whipped. 

"Hey guys, what's up?" Sicheng asked softly. 

"Oh, we were just watching TV," Taeil explained. 

"I thought you weren't coming home for a couple hours," Yuta spoke, and Taeil could feel him start to get more nervous by the second. 

"Club meeting ended early," Sicheng explained. Yuta gave Taeil a quick glance before turning back to Sicheng. 

"Sicheng? Could I maybe talk to you for a second?" Yuta asked, standing up from the couch. Taeil looked up at him in surprise; he didn't think Yuta was going to do it this soon. But maybe it was for the best: since Taeil was around, he could listen in on their conversation, plus if things went badly he'd be here to comfort Yuta. 

Sicheng nodded. "Sure. Jaehyun's not home so we can talk in there." He gave a little wave to Taeil before the two walked down the hallway towards room C. 

After a moment, to not seem suspicious, Taeil also walked down the hall to room A. He didn't go inside though, just stood outside the doorway so he could listen in easily. Shockingly, the walls of this dorm was decently thick, so Taeil couldn't hear everything. This was the only time he wasn't grateful for it though, imagining all the times he might've heard Taeyong and Ten or Yukhei and Jungwoo have sex without it. 

At first, Taeil could only make out what sounded like Sicheng and Yuta flopping onto Sicheng's bed then soft small talk, which turned into serious murmurs, only on Yuta's part. Sicheng was silent for a long time while Yuta spoke, and even Taeil was getting anxious just listening in to the extremely muffled conversation. 

All noise stopped for moment, and Taeil's heart flared. Sicheng said something Taeil couldn't make out, gently, quietly, then Taeil was sure that Yuta fucking squealed. Taeil released a breath he didn't know he was holding, his whole body detensing. Thank god. 

Once he heard the muffled sounded of Yuta talking more in that happy, animated voice, Taeil felt sure everything went well. He smiled to himself and sat down on his bed, relaxing on his phone for a few minutes before he had to get up and make himself study. He basked in the second hand happiness of his friend, curious to hear just how it all went down. But that would come later, Taeil wouldn't dare interrupt them now. 

An hour or two later, the sound of people walking down the hall made Taeil sit up. Passing by his doorway was Sicheng and Yuta, wearing such soft joyous smiles that he couldn't help but grin too. 

"Hey Taeil," Yuta said, smiling with his teeth. Sicheng smiled too, bigger than Taeil had ever seen. If he glanced down a bit, he could see they were holding hands. "We're going to dinner now." 

"Have fun, lovebirds," Taeil teased. The two of them didn't even deny it, but he swore he saw Sicheng blush. 

They waved goodbye and Taeil heard the sound of the front door opening and closing. A few moments later, Taeil got a text from Yuta himself. 

it went well omg! hes ma boyfriend now! he likes me!

*ill tell you everything later

*thank u, rlly

Taeil grinned and typed out his own response.

*it was nothing

*but you have to tell me everything tmr

He locked his phone and laid it next to him, staring at the underside of Johnny's upper bunk. Taeyong and Ten, Yukhei and Jungwoo, and now Yuta and Sicheng had gotten their love story. Maybe now it was time for Taeil to get his. 

Johnny's face flashed through Taeil's mind before he shook it off. Impossible, he thought. It was impossible. But...Sicheng had seemed impossible for Yuta, and now they were a thing. Taeil sighed. He was no Yuta, and at least Sicheng was in Yuta's league. Johnny was so far out of his league that they were in different games. But...Taeil couldn't shake the thought from his mind, that it was time he got his love story.


	11. that one time taeil kissed someone he maybe shouldn't have

It was the weekend before midterms and Taeil felt like he was going to die. 

Seriously. He'd had his head buried in books since six pm, only breaking for some some chocolate bars he'd stocked up on in preparation for this and returning to his studies fifteen minutes later. Now, Taeil wasn't quite sure what time it was, all he knew is that it had gotten dark quite a while ago. At this point, the only thing keeping him from yeeting himself onto the floor and staring up at the ceiling for a few hours was self hatred and sheer force of will.

"Taeil..." Johnny spoke softly. Taeil shook his head and sat up a bit; to be honest, he'd forgotten Johnny was even in the room. 

"What's up?" Taeil asked groggily, his voice rough from sleep and lack of use. 

"You've been studying for like...ever...to be honest, I'm a bit worried..."

Taeil heart did a little skippy thing but Taeil tried to ignore it. "It's fine, I always do this around exam time." 

"Oh god..." 

"What?" 

Johnny just sighed. "Take a break, please? For me?" 

"No," Taeil whined. "I'm on a roll here." 

"It's two am, come on." 

"Wait, when did it get that late?" Taeil mumbled to himself. 

"I haven't seen you lift your head for like, a couple hours. And all you've eaten is chocolate." 

"Coffee is to you the same thing that chocolate is to me. It's my fuel. I need it for survival." 

"What about, I dunno, vegetables? A good night's sleep? A break?" 

"Chocolate works just fine..." 

"Taeil," Johnny whined. 

"Fine. I'm ignoring you now," he teased back. 

Suddenly, Taeil felt his chair getting flipped around until he was facing away from the desk, Johnny looking down at him with a gentle smile. Taeil was at a loss for words for just a moment; Johnny looked so handsome in that moment, even with messed up hair and pajamas on.

"Come on. Let's go get ramen." 

Taeil knew he shouldn't, but he started to smile at the idea. "Now? At two am?" 

"Of course. I couldn't think of a better time." 

He had to study, but Johnny's grin just did him over, as usual. "Okay." 

Johnny's grin turned into a full blown smile, and he got up to get his wallet out of his backpack. Taeil threw a couple thousand won into his pocket, and Johnny threw a massive jacket at him. Taeil barely managed to catch it, looking up at Johnny with confusion in his eyes. 

"It's getting colder out now. Anyways, I haven't seen any warm jackets in your closet." Taeil hummed; his winter coat was stuffed underneath the bed, and his brain was way too fuzzy from studying to try and get it out. With a smile, he put on Johnny's jacket. 

"Ready?" Taeil nodded, and the two headed out of the door. Taeil shivered as soon as they stepped outside; he was glad Johnny had lent him the jacket (not to mention that it was giant and sorta smelled like him). They had go quite some distance, as all of the one campus convenience stores were closed at this time, but it was more than fine. It was just more time to spend with Johnny, after all. 

The freezing night air made Taeil cold but it took the study fog out of his brain, finally able to think clearly after cramming his head full of information he'd probably never use again. 

"What were you doing up so late anyways?" Taeil asked Johnny, looking up at his tall frame. 

Johnny shrugged slightly. "I dunno...I was gonna sleep an hour or two ago but then I noticed you were still looking at your books, so I just kinda wanted to make sure you went to bed on time...or at least stopped at some point..." Johnny paused to chuckle. "But then, I got hungry." 

Taeil stared at the ground watching his feet pace over the cement. Johnny had stayed up...for him? To make sure he was okay? To be honest, he didn't quite know how to answer that. 

"Well...that's really sweet. Thank you." 

Johnny shrugged again, and it was almost shy. "It was nothing, really." He brightened up and pointed down the street, where Taeil could see a light still shining. "Look, that one seems open." 

"Let's go there." Johnny grinned down at Taeil and he matched his expression, the two walking into the convenience store together. 

"Welcome in," the dead looking cashier spoke barely above a mumble, sipping his twenty-four ounce cup of iced americano like his life depended on it. Taeil looked up at Johnny, expressing his pity. 

"Well that's what you looked like when I rescued you from your studies twenty minutes ago," Johnny rebutted. Taeil pouted and stalked off to go to the ramen aisle, Johnny following close behind with a little smile. 

"God you're so fucking cute," Taeil thought he heard Johnny mumble. Incredulously, Taeil looked up at Johnny. 

"What?"

Johnny chuckled. "Oh, nothing." Taeil sighed with...he wasn't sure what he was feeling, but he knew Johnny hadn't really said it. 

They each picked out a bowl (Johnny chose the spiciest, Taeil chose the least spicy), and walked over to the fridge to look at the drinks. 

"What are you gonna drink?" Johnny asked as he pulled out a can of coke. 

"Hmm, maybe peach ice tea?" 

Before Taeil could do anything, Johnny grabbed the peach ice tea out of the fridge and ran to the counter. 

"Johnny!" Taeil yelled, the two laughing as Johnny raced to the counter to try and pay. Taeil was panting by the time he got there, and the extremely annoyed looking cashier had already started to ring up Johnny's stuff. Taeil crossed his arms and made a face at Johnny, but a smile was peeking out from under it. 

"You didn't have to do that, you know," Taeil mumbled. 

"But I wanted to," Johnny answered, turning toward the cashier. "Oh, and this too," he said, plucking the bowl of ramen out of Taeil's hands and placing it on the counter. 

Taeil's jaw dropped a little and he looked up at Johnny with feigned annoyance. "You are so.."

"I'm so what?" Johnny answered, leaning down to look at Taeil more closely. At this point Johnny was almost too close, and Taeil could feel himself blushing and breathing pretty heavily. He swallowed thickly, and Johnny just grinned and turned back to the cashier. Taeil sighed at himself. Why did he always have to act like a middle schooler when Johnny just seemed unfazed by everything?

Once everything was paid for Johnny handed Taeil his ramen, the two going to the microwave in the back of the store to eat their food. They sat down at the the little chairs by the window, waiting for their food to cook and resting their heads on their hands. The world was so quiet outside, nothing going on except for the occasional sound of a car whizzing by. It was unimaginably peaceful. 

Johnny slowly turned to Taeil. 

"Why do you bother?"

Taeil perked up a bit. "Huh?"

"Why do you bother with all of that studying? You're smart, and you work so hard already. And you said you do it for every test...like...why? I-I mean, I'm not trying to offend you or anything, like, I dunno, I guess I'm just curious..."

"How else will I do well in school?" Taeil responded. 

"Taeil, you're really smart already. How much of a difference does all that studying make? Like, at some point, it won't even be able to stick...wouldn't it be better for your mental health to just, like, get a good night's sleep or relax? Like, wouldn't you end up doing better that way?" 

"If I didn't study like this, I know I wouldn't do well. At least, not good enough for myself..." 

Johnny turned fully to Taeil, completely ignoring his food. "How good is good enough?"

"Straight A's or I'm dead to myself." 

"But why? Grades aren't everything, you know..."

Taeil shrugged sadly, unable to look Johnny in the eye. "What else have I got? What else do I have going for me?" 

"I dunno, Taeil...everything?" Johnny said with a slight smile. "You're so smart, such an amazing singer, a caring and kind friend, you're the best listener I know, not to mention unbelievably handsome..." 

Taeil outright laughed. "No way." Things weren't like the beginning of the semester, where Taeil wouldn't believe anyone could think such things were true. Two months ago, Taeil would have been sure Johnny was lying. In fact, he would've thought the exact opposite about himself, that he's the dumbest, worst singer, meanest friend, and ugliest person he knew. Now he knows he's not the worst. But to be decent, or good at any of those things...that was still out of the question. Especially the attractiveness thing (which Taeil did still believe was a lie). 

"Oh my god don't laugh, I'm being serious!" 

Taeil rolled his eyes. "No way!" 

"Taeil, stop!" Johnny whined, shaking his shoulder. "Stop thinking badly of yourself."

"Like it's that easy," Taeil sort of teased back. 

"You know I mean what I said, right?" 

"Yeah. I just think you're stupid." 

Johnny laughed loudly at that, earning a glare from the cashier, and Taeil shook his head. "I'm just kidding," he mumbled. 

"Seriously though," Johnny said. "Don't overwork yourself any more. You don't have to. You are so much more than a good test score...there's so much more to you...kind, talented, smart handsome-"

"Now that one I'll never believe," Taeil said jokingly. 

"But I'm serious," Johnny said, his tone changing, and Taeil finally looked up at him. He was looking down at Taeil seriously; he meant it, and Taeil couldn't possibly fathom it. He could feel his heart beating in his chest, so loud he was afraid Johnny would hear it. 

"You know...I think the same of you. Y-you're smart, and so, so kind, and so funny, the funniest person I know, and just like, otherworldly gorgeous, and...." 

He trailed off, him and Johnny staring at each other wordlessly. Their eyes, on each other, his heart beating, his stomach twisting into knots...Taeil knew something felt different tonight. The energy, the cold night air, it was different. Something was going to give. It had to. 

"Oh, our ramen probably got cold," Johnny said quietly, chuckling a little. 

"Yeah," Taeil chuckled back uncomfortably, the two turning away from each other to eat. Other than the slurp of their noodles and the buzz of the refridgerators that convenience store was silent but it didn't feel awkward in the slightest. The tension in the air was thick and heavy, and Taeil couldn't tell what it meant and it was driving him crazy. He and Johnny looked back and forth at one another, wordlessly, tirelessly, waiting. 

Their food was finished and Johnny looked at his phone for the first time that night. 

"It's 3:30. We should head back."

"Yeah," Taeil answered, tossing their trash and stepping out into the brisk night air without a word to the cashier, his presence entirely forgotten. 

Taeil shivered but he could barely feel the cold, his blood rushing too fast through his veins, and they were barely a few paces from the convenience store when Johnny grabbed his hand. Taeil let out a slight gasp, his almost numb fingers interlocked with Johnny's warm ones, shocked. He was far too nervous to look up at Johnny, but Johnny squeezed his hand, asking if this was okay without any words. Taeil squeezed back, as tight as he could, and they started the walk back to the dorm. 

Something about that night made them want to get home; Johnny walked way too fast so Taeil had practically run to keep up with him but it was fine, it felt right, it felt like he had to run to keep this thing coming. 

They were both weezing halfway up the hill but they still walked as quickly as their legs would take them, Johnny finally turning to look down at Taeil with a breathless smile on his face. 

"Taeil...you're so cool. You know that, right?" 

In that moment, Taeil couldn't deny it, all he could do was nod. "You too. You too Johnny." 

They shared another look before walking again, and Taeil felt so utterly ridiculous that he outright laughed. This was cheesy, this was crazy, and what for? Taeil felt like he was in a movie, but he couldn't think of much else, all he could think was oh my god oh my god oh my god oh my god oh my god. 

Finally they reached their dorm building, panting as they pushed their way inside, walking down to the elevator with hearts thumping. Taeil could hear Johnny's too, in that moment, and the wait for the elevator to reach the bottom floor felt like the most excrutiating lifetime. 

The little ding took both of them out of their heads, stepping in quickly. Taeil pressed the button for their floor and Johnny pressed the close button, over and over again, so many times Taeil was a little afraid it would break. It was quiet in there that Taeil could even hear the noise of the elevator doors swooshing shut, barely louder than the sound of the own heartbeats. 

But the noise of the elevator calling their floor, telling the two of them it was moving up was immediately drowned out by the sound of Taeil's blood rushing through his veins when Johnny pressed him up against the side of the mirrored elevator walls. Taeil honestly had no idea who reached for the other first, it was probably both of them anyways but it didn't matter because lips were on lips, gentle with the fear and care of first love yet passionate with teen hormones and a build up of months in the making. 

Johnny's hands felt like the perfect weight on Taeil's waist, holding him steady as he felt like he was floating so high he'd float right out of this elevator. Taeil wrapped his arms around Johnny's shoulders, shyness briefly gone in the heat of the moment. This was only the second kiss of Taeil's life and the first done out of his own free will, without any game telling him what to do, and somehow it was even better than he could've possibly imagined. Johnny's lips were soft and warm against the cool wall of the elevator on Taeil's back, and in that moment, he could have melted away. He was shaky in the best way possible, and Johnny was so close and it was desperately perfect, hands touching wherever they good. Maybe it was the time, maybe it was the day, maybe it was Johnny, but Taeil felt crazy. 

And just like that...it was over. It felt like no less than fifteen minutes but how long was it...five, no more than ten seconds? And the elevator was dinging again, and he and Johnny were leaning on opposite sides of the walls, panting like they just done a marathon, hair and clothes tousled, and the doors opened right on their floor.

As if in shock, the two boys stepped, the elevator neatly closing behind them, closing off all evidence of what they had just done. 

Taeil had no idea what was supposed to happen next. His mind was far too blank and he was still far too nervous to do much of anything, really, except walk back to their room. Johnny followed behind, wordlessly, all the way through from the front door until they finally walked back into their shared bedroom. 

Once inside, Taeil didn't know what to do but just...stand there. He'd kissed Johnny. Johnny had kissed him back. But..what could this all mean? Did Johnny want to sleep with him now, was it just a one off thing, was it a confession of sorts, were they together now? It was four in the morning and Taeil's brain felt too full for all of this. He just wanted to go to sleep, and put off the possibility of disappointment until the morning. 

Of course, there was a part of Taeil that was over the moon, on cloud nine, full of happiness, like nothing could ever go wrong. But the other part of him, the part of him that Taeil was begging to go away but felt like would always be there, was telling him this meant nothing. Of course it didn't, Johnny was far too good for him, hell, why would Taeil even bother to kiss him back? It was pointless, just, pointless. 

Silently, still looking at the floor, Taeil passed Johnny's jacket back to him. Johnny took it from his delicate fingers but stayed put. 

"Should we...um...talk-"

"Talk about it tomorrow?" Taeil interrupted uncomfortably. 

Johnny nodded, more to himself than anything. "Of course, if that's what you want. You need your sleep, anyways, we've got class tomorrow."

"Yeah," Taeil said with a wince. 

"I-I'm gonna go wash up now." 

"Okay." 

Johnny quietly left the room to go brush his teeth and as soon as he was gone, it was like everything keeping Taeil up just flew out of him. God he was tired, he felt like he'd been a stretched rubber band all day and someone finally let it fall to the ground. Still wearing his day clothes he got into bed, snuggling under the covers, despite his own exhaustion mentally preparing for an uneasy sleep. 

Johnny came back in a few minutes later, folding his clothes quietly, making sure Taeil was trying to sleep before turning off the light and climbing into his top bunk. 

"Good night," Johnny mumbled.

"Good night," Taeil answered, nerves already building in his stomach for what the next day would bring. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I debated on whether it was even appropriate to post a chapter today in light of what happened, but I hope this served as a good distraction for everyone who is suffering right now. Rest in peace sulli, you did well. 


End file.
